I would say that the most important thing for you to do right now is to accept the fact that things are they way they are. Don't brood over what "could have been" or what "should have been", because neither of those things exist. They are just fantasies that will lead to even more frustration and misery.

It sounds as if he is a mature and responsible person. If that is the case, then I would assume you can still maintain a close friendship with him and a wonderful relationship with your child (ESPECIALLY the child, considering you are his mother). Just be sure to never, ever try to be "intimate" with him (the ex-husband) or do anything that could potentially cause a disruption within the current relationship between him and his wife.

If you love him, then it would only seem logical that you would feel happy and joyous for him if he is happy with his relationship, wouldn't it? You have to accept the fact that a long-lasting intimate relationship between you and him just wasn't meant to be. Also, do not brood over how you made a mistake. Mistakes, no matter how big or small, are ALWAYS great opportunities to learn and mature as a person, if you choose to take advantage of that opportunity. Think about your "mistake", contemplate and reflect on it, consider what lessons thre are to be learned from that mistake, and decide on how you are going to apply those lessons to your life in the future. Accept it and move on. Do not hold onto it and keep brooding over it or regretting it, because nothing positive can come from that.

The ego is rarely satisfied with what it currently "has". It always wants more. It will risk giving up whatever it currently has in order to find something better. It will fantasize about how much better things could be... no matter how good things are now, it will always want more. The ego likes to chase after fantasies, and this leads people to search for "greener grasses". Oftentimes they find that the grass actually ISN'T greener on the other side, but it's often too late to go back to the way things were. I guarantee you that you aren't experiencing anything that countless other people haven't also experienced.

You can't change what's been done. But you CAN choose how you wish to apply and express yourself in the future. Will you make the same "mistake" again in the future? You might. But it's less likely to happen now than it was before. You will think about things and spend more time contemplating on whether or not it's worth risking something good for fantasies of "greener grasses". Sometimes we have to lose something in order to realize how much it really meant to us. Know that your "mistake" and whatever frustration or suffering you are going through now as a result, were necessary for your own personal growth.

I STRONGLY advise that you work on building a strong relationship with your son. If he is not used to being very close to you, then don't expect instant results... it will take time, effort, and a lot of patience. But I guarantee you that if you are sincere, patient and persistent now, the long term results... a strong, close relationship between you and your son... will be just as fulfilling, if not moreso, than the "fantasy" relationship that "could have been" between you and your ex-husband.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you will be able to work your way through this, and come out stronger, wiser and more mature as a result. There are many positive things just down the road... all you have to do is stop looking behind and start looking ahead.

:)
--James

I can understand your feelings because I have been left 3 times for greener pastures. My first love left me for another guy she had only known a few weeks. I waited and morned for a few years. After I finally moved on and found another girl, She called and expressed her regrets, That would have been about 5 yrs later, By that time it was to late. The next girl, Whom I was with at the time the first girl called, I married a few years latter. After several years and one child, She started having affairs with a guy she works with. (affairs were quite common at the place she worked)......(Division of Family Services)......OOPPPs, I gave it away.! She said she was confused, I begged, I cried, I prayed, She wanted me to leave for awhile, So....., I left, Sleeping in some of my empty rental houses. She wanted me back, But I must take my son home after work, Tell him daddy is going to a meeting, Then I had to park in back and go upstairs without him seeing me, And live there all the time keeping it a secret. After about 3 months I finally relized how big of a retard I was, I politley packed just a few things and took a hike. She sued me for a divorce and made me a little poor let's just say...lol. Then after I stayed single for 4 yrs, I find myself at 45 yrs old. I am working on a house I own to rent out, This young couple comes in to see about renting it for the girls mother. This girl is 23, And is very interested in helping me finish it so her mother can move in. Next thing I know, She seems to be flirting with me, I can't belive it, I am 22 yrs older than her, Long story short, She was beautifull and she wanted me. I told her that she had a guy..(they were living together,But....., He was the father of her 4 month old lil girl). She assured me that they were on the ousts, And it was ok., She wanted to be loved so badly, She had lots of money problems,She had left the last 5 guys she had been with, 2 of them being the fathers of her 2 beautifull children. Lots of baggage from her childhood, She needed someone so badly, She adored me, I finally said ok, Ok........, You got me, I love you....(cry).., I was afraid to open my heart again, But......, I did. She wanted to move in, I declined time after time, Because I am old enough to know it takes great commitment to live together. I figured at her age she was not expierienced enough to know that yet. After being together almost 4 yrs, She left me about 7 weeks ago. The end was started because of my suggestion that we try as a family to grow closer to god. Next thing I know, She is going to a church of her choosing, Not a joint decision, And she spends most of her time on Rapture ready dot com. She comes in the house, Tells me that she thinks we are uneqally yoked.She used the bible and scripture to split us up, I intended for it to grow us closer,She Dumps me like a throw away coke cup, not only takes away the love of my life, But....., My georgous lil almost 4 yr old lil girl whom I have raised since 4 months old, And took away my lil boy who is 5. As I am typing this, My heart and spirit are crushed, All that is keeping me going is PRAYERS....!! Right now, It is an hour at a time. I loved them sooo much. Anyway......., My very long point is......(sorry this is so long, But it felt kinda good to release..(smile)
I totally get what you said, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, I have made them, All that reply to your message with "great wisdom", MAKE THEM. It's okay to look back and realize that you have made some mistakes. I am hoping that the girls I loved soooo much
will someday, Maybe......? Will look back at me, And find some love in thier hearts for me, Maybe realize that I WAS there for them, I WAS Honest with them, And......, That I did LOVE THEM....!!!!!! What you are going learning now is called wisdom, It is kind of like weight lifting, With resistance comes strength. After this resistance you will be stronger.And who knows, I am a beliver in miracles, Maybe, Just maybe, After you practice the love and patience he practiced for back then, And....., If your soul "hurts" like his did back then................., Maybe he will become single someday. I do not suggest Praying for, Or trying to break up a marriage. I just wanted you to know I DO UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS..!! Thank you for your message, It helped me to express myself.! I will pray for you, If you pray for the girl I lost..........(Kristina)....May you find the one you love, Bob.!

Were you on any substance when you left? That can cloud our judgement.
You ask how you can get over this mistake. I think only time itself will heal these wounds. We often have to pay dearly for what we do; it's just the way it works. Try to think of it as a learning experience and that you are now older and wiser and won't make the same mistake again. Until you get over it I guess you'll just have to keep thinking about it.
Try and be thankful for the positive things, daily.

The only thing for those regets is to FORGIVE YOURSELF! If that happened it was because things meant to be that way,so it is better to let go, we in fact have little control about many things and most of all about our pasts.
I don´t hink it is a good thing to cling the happiness you think you have lost.
When we feel sad and lost we cling to whatever we find but in my personal opinion I would look forward instead of backwards. Rebuilt your life with whatever you´ve got
we all do that a lot. We start from scratch many times in this life.