Day 17 + 18: exhausted and depressed

I'm putting up day 17 and 18 because I kind of lost track of where I am. I remember starting at the 9th, so the math suggests that today is day 18.

Day 17: I officially hate my job and current lifestyle. You'd think that this scenario: 19 year old girl on her own in the city that never sleeps would end up pretty interesting. Well, in this case; it's like a poorly plotted B-movie. Even the avarage discussion in "Laguna Beach" is more interesting. I sleep and work and when I'm not doing either of those 9 out of 10 chance it's midnight and I'm suffering from insomnia.

It was very busy at work today and my colleage wasn't cutting me any slack. (yes indeed it was John.) I was very very tired, and at one side, the manager was yelling at me for overriding the cancellation policy of the hotel (I can't help it, I sympathise with people and often cut them some slack) and at the other guests were demanding things from me. At one point I tempted to give them all the finger and to just take a nap right in the middle of the chaos. Too bad I didn't have the guts to go through with it. It would've certainly made an interesting situation.

I collapsed into my bed at 9 pm (convinced the night shift to let me go early) and after a lot of frustrating hours tossing and turning I finally fell asleep. And wound up dreaming about work. Now, I'm one of those people who is disgusted by the use of the overly popular term stressed-out, but I'm starting to have the feeling it applies to me. Thinking about it, it might be true. I never had summer vacation. After my school year ended I was sent to London to work immediately, only leaving me a week off to pack. I've been working 3 months non stop ever since.

Fastingwise:
- Tired
- mood changes (considering to take a nap while your boss is shouting at you shouldn't be considered as normal)
- tongue is as coated as ever
- having a REALLY hard time forcing down those liters of water

Day 19:

My day off. Yay. Should've been yay. I had all kinds of plans: I'd go around, explore london some more, maybe even go to theater. Write that annoying assignment, do the laundry, send postcards.....

I did none. In fact, I slept ALL DAY. Yesterday, with it's feverish dreams about impossible problems at work left me unsettled. Exhausted because of the lack of sleep (those dreams were dreamt at 10 am!) I slept until evening. There went my day. When I finally did get out of bed, I was so weak I could barely stand on my legs.

I was frustrated. What the hell was wrong with me? If anything, sleep should energize the body. In my case, I felt even more miserable than before. I called my parents, fed them lies about having great fun (with my mom's MS I don't want her worrying about me) and when I ran out of plausible stories, I cut the call short and called it a night.

Here I am. It's 4 am and I'm not sleeping. Gave up on that at 2 am. I finished the novel I purchased recently. Rain Fall. Is to be recommended for people who like interesting characters and smart, action packed plots. I'm thinking about calling in sick tomorrow. I don't think I can work in the condition I'm in now. I'm tired. Tired of work, tired of money-centered people shouting at me, tired of being cooped up in this cave and tired of being alone. Everyone has a home to return to after work. Right now, I'm homesick. I miss my family, friends and my country. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Oh believe me, it's true.

Fastingwise:
- Exhausted. Pure and simple
- depressed (haha if you didn't take that hint from the happyness above, I declare you silly)

I don't know if I can do this fast much longer. Maybe it's just a stage I'm going through, but 25 days suddenly seems very long. I have my mind set on the SW cleanse though. I think it might help me through my misery. After all, that junk needs to go somewhere, right?

Sorry for the depressing post, but I needed to get this off my chest. It doesn't matter if you don't want to read this or reply to it, but posting it hear atleast gives me the idea someone is listening.