Re: Need advice before I make things worse..

Hello, sorry for the delayed response, actually my husband found curezone and my message and then pouted for 2 days and refused to speak to me :) I also knew right away why he was acting like that ( i aske dif he read my stuff) he denied it until today and he claims he was searching curezone and found it....yeah sure out of ALL the forums, etc he finds the one i posted on with an anonymouse id right? anyways he says I made him sound like a wife beater. So I must say though that yesterday he came hom from work and cleaned the kitchen and the dog's areas and mopped, so maybe (at least temporarily) he has realized something. I am much appreciative.

As for your post, thank you, I believe our circumstances are much different but there are some similiarities. My husband would absolutely never put his hands on me. He is actually not someone who even argues, he prefers to retreat within himself and usually it takes some prodding to get things out of him, it is a bit annoying since I feel like I am dealing with a child giving me the silent treatment because I punished them or something.

As for the friend issue that is completely my cross to bear not his. He has always encouraged me in that regard, it is more that I don't go anywhere to meet new people with common interests or I end up in these friendships with people just looking to use me for whatever reason, money or whatever.

If truth be told my husband is a very good husband in many regards, he is a good provider, he does not go out drinking or blow his paychecks gambling,etc, he encourages me to do whatever my heart desires and he supports me in anything I might get a whimsy to try (and I've tried many things) It is mainly the non communication and the self absorbedness that bothers me. Like I said it is as if he is here but doesn't wake up and realize he's got more responsibilities.. it doesn't end at bringing home the paycheck. I wish more that he would talk and we would say what our goals for the future are, see what;s different in them and compromise, say how we want to raise our children, etc. It is these deeper issues that he ABSOLUTELY refuses to talk about that leave me feeling deflated and like I am wandering aimlessly just trying to hold things together until he comes around.

At any rate, I've decided to leave him alone for awhile and work on myself. I am hoping what the poster said is true about him seeing a change in me and being inspired. I have absolutely no desire to leave him or find anyone else. He is still the one for me and the love of my life, this is just one of the hard times we must work through and get back on track. I will start focusing on my anger and releasing it and hopefully that will cause different reactions with him.

It is not an issue of money or comfort in regards to me "not leaving him" if he was doing something horrible to me I would leave him in a heartbeat, and maybe if I change and nothing still changes then I will see it is not me and leaving may become my only option for my health and spiritual well being, but I must give 100% to try and make it better first. Besides , everything else isn't that bad.

In regards to the money issue, also this is very different with us. To say " i wear the pants" sounds a bit off but it is mostly true. He does bring home the paycheck but as i said, I handle all the bills, etc. He normally just cares if he has money for his*eh hem* extracurricular habit and gas and lunch money. I do the shopping (even for his clothes)and all that as well. He never makes any comments about being the one who makes $$...I am hoping that is because he realizes our jobs are so unequal but just as important. I tend to point out to him on his "day off" that i never get one of those, I am on duty 24/7-365. I recently went out of town for a few days and took only our youngest, he stayed home with the 3&5 yr olds and when I returned he seemed trully sincere when he said he couldn't imagine also having the 1 yr old all day. He really seemed like he got how hard it is....that only lasted a few days though:)

I will give it some time actively working on myself and see how it goes. Thank you all for your support and input.

Oh and soulful-your ex sounds EXACTLY like the boyfriend I had for 4 years from 14-18. He cut me off from my friends, etc and used to beat the crap out of me if we walked in the mall and he thought I was looking at another guy...I had to walk with my head down. I learned a lot from that experience.

Thank you all so much Tweet