Re: Need advice before I make things worse..

I don't have a lot of time here...I am at work....but your husband sounds like a typical man to me. So, first of all, you have to realize that and calm down.

Have you read "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus"? You might want to try that, and get him to read it too.

Counseling, anyone? That might help.

No more unplanned babies.....OK?

I would work on that letter. I would say absolutely everything in it I wanted to say...and then go over and over it and get all the anger out...until it is clear, not to overly long...and precise. Put some nice things in it too. Let him know you love him, and what he does right as well as what he is not doing, but be very clear about how you feel, and what you want change. Also, be clear about what will happen if it does not. Dale Carnegie says always start out by saying something nice....

You husband had not grown up. He is still a little boy. He probably thinks that with all those children...you are not going anywhere, and he is probably right, but somehow you have got to get though to him that either he changes or something else will.

You can initiate change by changing yourself, of course. Start working out. Leave him alone with the kids more often and go to the gym. Learn how to fast and change your diet so you can loose that weight. When he sees those pounds fall off....he will know that something is up.

Start taking a class or two at night, when he is home to watch the kids. Do your thing and just let him cope with it. Do the best you can and don't worry so much about the house. Put the fact that you are going to start doing certain things in the letter.....and then do it.

Did you ever see that Everyone Loves Raymond episode when Debra tried to change Marie by changing how she reacted to her? It worked, sort of... so you change first, and see what happens....but be light about it. Don't stomp around...just do it, as if making these kinds of changes in your lifestle were the most natural thing in the world.






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