Vipassana and eye blister

No, I have not managed to make it back. Last Easter I had my name down but there was a waiting list, and I wasn't informed that a place was available until 2 days before .. and had other responsibilties, so could not go.

This year, I had booked to go for 23 days in June. I was to go on Vipassana for 10 days, followed by 3 days for server training, followed by 10 days in service on a 10 day Vipassana. I had to cancel that .. but there is a possibilty I can go in August for the 10 day course only

... but I have to question my motives before applying.

I'm not sure if it's the Vipassana teaching or the silence of the retreat that is more appealing to me, perhaps the latter, because I am rarely silent. The surroundings were so serene .. really peaceful, very relaxing. The food was excellent, varied vegetarian, a lot raw, Very lovingly prepared. All the right conditions for being at peace. So .. I question whether it is because I need a peaceful break (it is hard work though) or it is truly because I want to be a Vipassana meditator.

If I am totally honest now, I think it's the break I long for. So, on that basis I won't book for August.

Thank you for asking me the question, so I could think it through.

I think 10 days is absolute minimum. I recall reading that 10 days gives you just a glimpse of the peace. I agree with that, because it wasn't until day 7 or so that my mental chatter finally left me and I was able to just be. I think it was day 9 that I became full of joy in myself .. and then it ended and I had to open my big mouth :-)

That's why, I had booked for over 20 days this time (it is unfortunate I can not spare all that time now) because I think that may be the time needed to make a real difference in oneself and also make it easier for practise to be continued.

The Goenka teachings are wonderful, but I like to experience .. it is only experience that really teaches. The good in it all is that once the peace has been experienced, it can be found again in whatever we do, as long as we are conscious of its existence.

Right now, I am working with intentions that I have set for myself .. one of them is to go about all matters in a peaceful way. I am quite pleased with this, as since placing that intention in the universe, I have consciously been able to stop and question each of my thoughts .. and corrected any that needed doing to be in harmony with peace.

For example, this morning, one of my teenage sons was meant to pick up all his clothes and we started a conversation about it .. I felt some anger rising in me, I am always aware of bodily sensations that creep up if I am at war in myself .. then I stopped and asked myself what to do in relationship to my intention of peace .. I thought, Oh, I can leave the clothes on the floor and walk away or I can just pick them up myself. I chose the latter and continued my day .. in peace.

So, this feels like a waking meditation right now .. just finding the peace in each moment. So, meditation is all day long when I keep conscious of my intentions. This has been very rewarding.

Aye, I want to tell you something. I have a feeling there may be some relevance in it for you.

Some time back, I had a blister start up in my inner left eye. It grew to quite a size. I always relate everything to the mind-body .. left eye being right brain connected and eye being how we see the world. This blister I translated as something growing, festering inside me .. seeing things in anger that I could not make peace with? I could not find the cause, so it kept growing and growing within my eye. I did a lot of thinking over this and yet, it is difficult to see ones shadows, for it is always behind us. One night, after a few months, the realisation came over me of an exact situation I was viewing in a very angry manner and that I was to blame for holding these festering thoughts. The moment this happened, the blister popped open and the next morning, it was non existent.

I wonder if someone had cancer if this would also heal the same way?