Re: Is it ever ok NOT to forgive someone?

I sympathise. My mom's not a saint either.

I think you'd benefit from this book: "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay

That book helped me a lot on the road to forgiveness. It's not an easy journey, but it's worth it. I'd also recommend yoga or meditation. Those two tools are so powerful. So please give them a try!!

There's a difference between forgiveness and acceptance. You forgave your mom 100 times over, but you also accepted her behaviour and allowed her to continue treating you that way. True forgiveness is realising that the person who hurt you is hurt themselves, and they're only reacting in the way they know how. If your mom could pop inside your head and be you, and see how she makes you feel, she most likely wouldn't act so negatively anymore. But that's impossible. All she knows is from her own life experiences. If you did a little digging, I bet you'd find out she was very hurt by someone (or many someones) in her past. She sees hurt as part of life, and takes her anger out on you. It's called the cycle of abuse.

BUT you're above that. You realise what she's doing and want to stop the cycle for yourself. You should be so proud. You know your mother' behaviour is wrong. That says a lot about you as a person. You know intrinsicly the difference between right and wrong. Not many people have that trait these days.

To truly forgive, you need to see that you ARE worthy of better treatment and of a better life, but realise your mom is only doing what she knows how. And she won't change at this stage. No doubt you've tried talking to her about your feelings and she hasn't followed through on treating you better. True forgiveness is moving on and setting yourself free from all the anger, hurt and resentment. Just let it go, and rise above it. When Jesus said to forgive, he didn't mean allow people to treat you badly, but he meant to rise above it when they do and not let their negativity affect your life. You're better than this. Own it, and walk away. Tweet