But if you want to be healthy and loving in your own life then it is worth taking a look at
I am not saying you have to forgive her just now
In fact DO NOT rush yourself, your pain and unforgiveeness is a process...It is awful not to feel loved by the one that gave birth to you!
I'd check in with myself once a year and see if it feels right
Did you know that those that believe in incarnation believe we pick our parents and it is no accident that we do. And these awful events are something we have chosen or need to experience for what ever reason
maybe just to learn the process of forgiving
You go at your own pace. Know that she probably did the best she could given the surrounding circumstances
When she passes you may be freer to forgive her, but you might be surprised if you speak to her while she is still living how things for and to her.