Re: Wow, good idea

Dear Ana,

The last thing in the world I wanted to do was either, to 'correct' your intentions, or to hurt your feelings.

I see the greeting, 'to whom it may concern' as somewhat 'formal' and the reference to 'Pam' as quite 'informal', especially as you and she were talking about writing this letter.

According to what you want this letter to do for you, and your relationship with the person or people who will read it, you might change either the greeting, or your conversation with Pam.

I don't know how important is Pam in this letter. Nor do I know how important are the thought processes you describe.

If they aren't important to the meaning of this letter, you could go through it and simply say "I am...", "I do...", "I wish...", etc., in the present tense, as accomplished facts...not how you arrived at those thoughts.

I believe that the letter will automatically become much shorter if you do this.

Does that make sense to you?

You could also make brief reference to the qualities the INSTITUTION needs in a volunteer, in describing your interests and skills.

You write very good sentences...I am not kidding about that! (One is a little long, but you can change that with punctuation, or by chopping out a piece or two.)

Writing is actually RE-writing. All authors re-write endlessly until they can rattle things off easily, in just the way they want their words to sound.

The reader always thinks faster than they can read. So, if a writer wants to engage their interest, write LESS, allowing the reader to use their imagination.

I can't tell you how often I've found that a period works better than a longer explanation.

You could try chopping your letter drastically...then adding back some of your phrases or sentences, for clarity, and to see how it impresses you.

Or, you could try a different greeting and opening line...

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I believe I am the volunteer you are seeking. If you require an organized person...and so on.

But, this is just MY example. You need your own.

You are a well-spoken person. You'll come up with a polished letter that says exactly what you want it to say.

You can do it, Ana!

fledgling