I agree with Rendezvous. You should shorten it. People don't like to read long letters. They get disinterested and stop reading it or get bored with it. A good writer can get his point across saying very little. This is a journalist secret. If you read magazine and newspaper articles, they all get their point across with trying to write as little as possible.
P.S. Your letter was too long for me to read the whole thing. It bored me after the first few sentences. You should rewrite it and make is short and sweet.