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I need some help. Please critique this post.
 
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Published: 19 y
 

I need some help. Please critique this post.


Can you please check for grammatical errors and any other kind of errors you see? You can email me if you want, or you can post here.



To whom it may concern:

Pam asked me why I was so interested in volunteering. I sat there in my chair and realized that I had not really thought about the "whys" of volunteerism. We both agreed that it would be fun -and a lesson in itself, simply to write an essay; why do I think that volunteering for the Administration Department will benefit me? I would like to begin with a quote by John Ruskin that expresses my feelings best. “The highest reward for a person's work is not what they get for it, but what they become because of it”. I feel that department strategic volunteer participation will add new and expanded dimensions to my post secondary education, and it will provide me with real-life experience to complement my classroom learning; not only that, but volunteering contributes to my personal development, polishes my existing skills, helps me to develop some new skills, strengthens my resume with new experiences and references, helps me to give back to my community, helps me to gain networking opportunities and broadens my circle of friends.

Volunteering strengthens my personal development: I am learning how to practice time management. Time management is a skill that is developed over time, and I am getting better at it. I was involved in a head on collision on October 10, 2006. I was not injured in the accident, but my car was totaled. I learned how to balance volunteering, school and work while at the same time dealing with personal drama. Volunteering for the Administration Department will allow me to feel a sense of empowerment and gain confidence stemming from experiencing something first-hand; also, it would reduce the feeling of isolation due to stronger ties with my community. Volunteering for your department will help me to feel valued and appreciated.

By volunteering for the Administration Department, I can polish my existing skills: I am familiar with Microsoft Office, Word, Excel and Power Point programs, but not from a real life healthcare setting. I would like to learn how to use Host and Metatech- past the #60 function. I hope to be able to apply classroom learning so that I can see how it works in the real life setting. Furthermore, I hope to explore leadership skills as well, and to share some of my ideas and energy that are uniquely mine.

By offering my time and service, I hope to develop new skills: I would like to try new and different experiences away from the campus. I hope to develop leadership skills, problem solving and communication skills; I feel this will bring self confidence. By volunteering for your department, I will be activating critical thinking and problem solving skills to help deal with real- “occupational issues”.

Volunteering for the Administration Department will allow me to gain networking opportunities, make professional contacts and to obtain relevant references. I would like to discover the culture of the professional workplace such as the Administration Department, and I hope to broaden my circle of friends. Stan, Jeff, Shelly, David, Tisha, Sharon, and especially Diann, Jerome and Collins have all extended their kindness; through volunteering, I would have the opportunity to get to know them better.

Furthermore, I hope to build my resume/ portfolio by adding new experiences and references to increase employability. I enjoy giving back to my community by making contributions, and I hope that I can make a difference.

I request that you consider me for a volunteer position within the department of Administration. Administration Department strategic volunteer participation will add new and expanded dimensions to my post-secondary education, and it will provide me with real-life experience to complement my classroom learning. Volunteering contributes to my personal development, polishes my existing skills, helps me to develop some new skills, strengthens my resume- with new experiences and references, helps me to give back to my community, helps me to gain networking opportunities, and it broadens my circle of friends.

Sincerely,

Mariana Baxter
 

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