Hi, sofia

Very interesting questions that I cannot answer for you, as you well know. I give my interpretations however they are specific to my experience which I have different ’perspective’ and ‘purpose’ than you do, in my opinion. There is of course specific reason for you to keep searching this within and when we realize what these truths are for us, of course, it makes complete sense to ‘us’...to our specific life and energy...it is in line with our ‘purpose’. At least this is what I’ve found.

Being an artist I can see the connection of testing and expanding boundaries. So what is the revolutionary answer for you in all this? That is what I feel is being revealed to you.

“how do you know if something you do is out of love or out of fear?” Again, I can give my personal answer is: the way I feel about it. When I do things out of love, I don’t care for the results I don’t care for any specific reaction to happen. This is detachment. I am doing it just for the joy I feel to do it. When I do something out of fear, it is to force some result to happen, that without happening I would be ‘afraid’ of the consequence. This is expectation.

To give esoterics, both serve the same service: creation. We live in a polar world. There is night and day and there is happiness and sadness. So yes, it may be said we will always have these polar opposites. It is our experience to know that both are part of this existence...there is not one really favored over the other...and so it is our choice on which forces we use to create our experience.

“So see this, in some cases detrimental, self-destructive behaviours are expressing an extremely vital call, that noone would want to suppress.”

I agree, my understanding being that the level of extremeness is equal to the level needed to ‘awaken’ to and accept some information. Everyone is performing a service here and those that are extreme are simply trying to show us something that we just as strongly desire to deny.

This questioning now occurs to me: might your desire to ’not be in conflict’ be a source of more conflict for you? Meaning, are you wanting something different than what you are experiencing? And so might you be ‘denying’ your experience now...to a certain degree?

Of course I say this because I recognize it in myself as it is a ‘natural’ experience. To be blunt....not too long ago I had the thought: “Stop trying to be something you’re not.” This was from an objective tone within, not judgmental. And over time since then I have relaxed (again :) a little better into my ‘real’ life. It centers me back to my own energy, purpose and gifts. I no longer need to be like others I think I should, in fact I cannot nor choose to be.

Whew....what complex mind games we enjoy to play! My brain needs a break! :P

On a lighter note, thank-you for being an 'outlaw' and 'renegade'!  We express many forms, ranging from the intention of life, to the spark of a tender, to the raging fire, to the warming hearth...and ashes again anew.

Lori