Re: on love

"When we want something out of love and detachment, we may experience it. When we want something out of fear, we repel it away from ourselves and attract more fear experiences."

ok, how do you know if something you do is out of love or out of fear? it can appear both ways, according to the point of view. Do I want to eat chocolate out of pleasure or because I need a cuddle? do I want to be beautiful because I like it or to be more sure I can be loved? it is both, we are vulnerable and every action we make contains some fear. Do people on CZ eat greens out of love or out of fear? both. (this of the ambiguous relation between love and fear was another theme i wanted to propose later on). Then I understand that the accent can be more on one or the other, depending on the attitude of the person towards life and towards the specific issue in a precise moment. If there is something I am sure of, is that I began to live together with Erik because i loved him, yet I can see many reasons why I did it also because i was damn afraid.
I'm not pointing out this just to be meticulous. The fact is that, over time, I continue to swing between the two positions: considering eating chocolate a fearful and detrimental act and proceeding on eating healthy and balanced, fulfilling my natural inclination towards health and beauty; or considering the need for beauty a sign of weakness (need of social approve) and giving myself all the chocolate I desire, as showing a more sensual and direct approach to enjoyment.
This is the conflict I want to finally overcome (BTW, this is just an example, chocolate not being in fact a major fixation for me), this is the schizofrenic mind again talking, just changing the words good/bad, right/wrong, love/fear. I want both, beauty and chocolate, because only like this I'm sure I've defeated fear.


"Lets say the 'coping' is actually detrimental (like overeating). We come to a point of wanting to change the behavior and eat balanced"

Here I think you enter in contradiction. You judge a behaviour as detrimental, *over* eating, and you want to correct it with something good, *balanced*. It seems to me you're not trusting your natural inclinations as you claim. You eat what you eat. In the world that fits you can eat like 20 men and this is not detrimental, you would be healthy and thin anyway (like Erik, he's the same weight whatever he eats). You eat junk if so you wish and it doesn't matter. You do what you feel like and it is perfect as it is. This is life in perfect innocence, where there are not conflicting desires, and this is where I want to get.
For example, I have great estimation for all the friends in CZ, but I would never be able to act righteous like them because there is something subversive in my blood and if I find a rule I immediatlely feel compelled to break it. That is what makes me a good artist, I've got to be naughty otherwise I'm not sure I'm alive. Artists are basically people who are still alive, who are ready to jump in the chaos now (theorically, in reality many artists wouldn't want to jump anywhere without a contract with a good gallery). So see this, in some cases detrimental, self-destructive behaviours are expressing an extremely vital call, that noone would want to suppress.

so how to put the two ends together?