Re: Erik and I

Oh hell yes. So typical really.

Son comes, daddy feels jealous. Especially when the woman had been a source of sexual and love intensity, an object of utmost desire, and to top it off, friendship. It's the most Oedipal thing in the world. Plays have been written about it!

Children are disrupters. They take that beautiful silence and split it with ear shattering glee. A great deal of pleasure is derived from this, but so is exquisite pain. You're so tired sometimes, but the child's needs come first. And perhaps that's it in a nutshell...the child's needs come first.

Erik still wants the honeymoon, but not the aftermath. I'm sure he wanted to consummate his love for you with a child, without any idea of the change that would happen to you two. Many don't. It's a fantasy. But pregnancy, and motherhood changes a woman, and some men have a hard time changing with that.

I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know. I think this too will pass. I have no doubt you are less than enamored with him, but it's a stage, just like the stages of your child. Men have growth stages of parenting too.

I'm telling you this from 23 years of marriage, and one child. My husband went through some of these fits, because we weren't out clubbing or partying like we used to. It was that longing for the good old days of being free. He changed over time.

But this must be hard on you Sofia. You must feel like you are tearing yourself in two trying to take care of two children, eh?

I only have one piece of advice for you. The child must go somewhere regularly, and then you need to pay some attention to Erik. He's a man, and feels secure when someone is paying attention to him, and only him. Do you have a family he can go have a play date for at least a couple hours? How about relatives? Is there drop-in day care in Italy?

It's a burden we women must have. We are the caretakers, and we need to balance our love life/sex life with the object of our affection, and our maternal instincts. They are both equally important.

At least that's what I think. Man, did I ramble...sorry.