One possible solution to your problems might be to live alone with your boys for a while.That way you may see your life more objectively and you will be less controlled by others.You will also have more choice.It will be easier to see your husband or lover if you live alone and also easier to escape them.You might start to see your current husband more favourably and your lover less so and vice versa.
i think you are an emotional person that goes from one relationship to another but doesnt stand back enough.
I think I am very logical and less emotional so we are opposites! However, I am no relationship expert but I wish you the best of luck.