Re: Vagina not as tight as it used to be

Regarding the retraining machines advocated by your physician: These devices can and are good..because of what they do. THey provide 'resistance' to your muscular contractions.. hence, in many ways, Regular kegal exercises is like trying to strenghten your biceps by doing curls without weights..whereas these machines are like isometric exercises where you are pushing against an object to 'resist' the tightening, hence, the muscles do indeed tend to build up faster. From your post, I hear your sketicism buty I don't think you can truely evaluate the LONG TERM benefits by using your fingers to see if your doing the exercises right..obviously you are... Again, think of these machines like 'weight or isometric training' whereas you are 'stressing' the muscles sufficiently to force them to either increase in strength or retain better tone, etc. Personally, these machines are MUCH SAFER then alum or 'some other objects women insert.. JUst be sure to clean completely before and after each use. You said you exercise etc... hence you should be familiar with 'ankle weights', bo-flex machines etc... Bottom line.. if you wanted to seriously tone up and strength your muscles.. would you do simple curls without weights or would you invest in a machine or do resistence training? LIke weight or resistance training..THIS IS A PROCESS (what you are trying to accompolish).. not a 'feel good' technique... Doing Kegal's AND the machine is for long term benefit..it takes time, effort and energy.. Using these machines will 'stress' or give your vagina a good workout.. use them consistently, with patients and with purpose.. and I believe you will experience significant improvement... Make sense?

It sounds like you have a very loving relationship with a good man.. with that in mind.. consider the following:

For this moment ( I know, 4 years.. it is a long time), you are experiencing an important struggle. Since it sounds like you have a great deal of trust with your spouse, then share your struggle... (the benefits and value of being able to shar this with your husband will be wonderful in terms of INTIMACY.. PROVIDING that your husband is willing to listen WITHOUT just tryng to reassure you that 'its no big deal'.. (men do that to reassure).. but I am suggesting that you would really like to include him in this struggle but don't want yourself to make this 'a big deal' with hiim or have it interfer with the relationship. (ie) you don't want to come accross as a cry baby). BUT if that is the case.. you are doing a dis-service to yourself and the relationship.. TALK TO HIM (you may have to ask him to 'just listen, not talk or 'fix' or reassure.. but just hold you. THIS IS A BIG DEAL.. TO YOU.. It may not be 'critical' or 'THAT important to him.. but it is to you. Since your husband loves you, then allow him 'the gift' of your trust... His instincts will tell him that he needs to reassure you..but that is NOT what you need (yes, it helps, but that is NOT what you need).... You NEED him to KNOW and UNDERSTAND (the best he can, not being a women).. so HELP HIM to be the best husband he can be.. tell him what you need (to be heard, not given advise or reassurance)but just to 'hear'..

For right now.. this 'feels' like a kind of 'grieving' experience as you have lost something that was and is important to you (the WOW, Intensity, "Hurts so good' kind of experience)-- Trust your husband to walk through this with you.(again, this may require 'some training because it is so natural for men to FIX and they don't like to 'feel helpless' or not offer 'a solution'..that is what men do.

You said this is not performance anxiety.. Hmmmm.. No it is not.. you are not doing this for HIM.. but it IS ANXIETY FOR YOU... because you want and can't have that 'magical feeling', WOW, YES! experience, hence provokes anxiety for you ( when you go to bed, are you telling me you DON"T think, (in the back of your head) "Oh God, will I have that feeling tomight? Or will I be disappointed again that I don't have 'that feeling'..)<-- I am sugesting you do 'have the awareness' that I wish it were different'

Another consideration: (ie) REALITY. From your description of trying to recapture that OH MY GOd, I CAN't STAND THIS..ITS SO WONDERFUL, etc... might you not be experiencing some 'mild depression' that 'IT JUST AINT THERE ANY MORE" kind of awareness? I'm asking you to look at ALL aspects of your life and the subtle signs of Depression (there are many).. Perhaps loss of interest in other aspects of your life, feeling a little more 'sensitive' about 'stuff' (that has nothing to do with sex); Perhaps the 'sense' that 'I'm carrying around a gray cloud inside or just that 'feeling' that somethings not right'.. Depression shows it self in very subtile ways that most of us miss..until things start to spin out of control. It is VERY possible that Hormones are playing a very key roll in this whole change in your sexual experiences. ONly your doctor can determine that via blood work.(suppression test (DMST)and/or with the help of a psychologist or paper and pencil Depression inventory.

I am asking you to consider the last paragraph considering your statement: (1)I just feel insufficient as a 27 yr. old woman; & (2)I used to cry in the middle of sex and afterwards, because that feeling that I used to feel wasn't there.

THESE TWO STATEMENTS ALONE are indicative of depression.. Please consider them because if it is hormonal/biochemical.. many times some very brief psychotherapy or medication CAN BE THE MIRACLE your looking for. Nothing to be embarrashed about.. you are not alone.. and it may be something so simple as the depression or chemical imbalance that is playing havic on your self esteem, 'the magic feeelings' and 'sensations' etc.

As to your question about my personal expereince and how I know these things.... Not Here.. I don't want a barrage of advise seeker... I suspect you can guess what I do for a living.. but if it is that important, Ill respond to an email..so you can understand.








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