I am very intrigued about what country or culture you come from! Not in a bad way, I am just interested as you are right, for most westeners this sounds very different to what we know. But with most respect for you and your situation, I can see how difficult your situation must be. You say you cannot trust yourself - and i know sooo much what you mean but just starting would be a good start. Its only your head which says you cannot trust yourself. Meditation is not some sort of magic....you will not get carried away and be out of control as to what is happening. It is not brain wash done by someone else - it is purely sitting down in quiet and look inside yourself and get to know what's in there - the real you. It can be boring, it can be interesting, it can be crazy or surprising but all you do is find out about yourself and that will give you the insight of how you can trust yourself. You cannot do wrong with that. if you sit down in quiet for 15 Minutes and concentrate on your breathing, try not to think and if you do let the thoughts pass and concentrate on counting your breath (makes it easier not to think). Eventually all the thoughts go and what is left is you. You will see more clearly and trust yourself in what you see.... Good luck!