Re: I am at a loss...was doing so well, now I'm not.

Hello Jena,
Don't apologize for sounding preachy or cliched, that's your humility showing, which is good because humility is the requirement and maintenance of wisdom. I never was involved in self-mutilation, but grew up suicidal, just never committed it because I never believed in it (go figure). Bad childhood, anal retentive family that seemed to choose me to be the family flunky even before I was ten, and divorced parents (kind of like a 'man without a country' phantom identity). About a year ago, I heard a divorced 'MAN' of the household complaining about having to ENDURE (as though he was the VICTIM of a divorce instead of the PERPETRATOR or culprit). Even though I wasn't judgemental about it, I just couldn't bring myself to be sympathetic. All of my life, I felt that something, for some reason, in some sense, was either wrong or didn't fit together properly or wasn't right for some reason. I never understood what that feeling was until I heard that 'MAN' speak and wondered how his young children will be affected (a divorced family doesn't exist anymore, neither do 'I' self). I remembered that the feeling was very vague and obscure but very strong and almost seemed 'foundational' as though I couldn't really recognize and establish 'SELF' (a unique identity of who 'I AM'). But I probably wouldn't have been able to understand why I always had such a misunderstood and vague feeling that I wasn't even sure what or even why it was if I hadn't made a habit out of sharing my learning experiences at Curezone. Probably the most important thing I ever learned at Curezone is that I shouldn't take my sufferings personally,...because> I am NOT ALONE. I can tell by your writing that you not only have the will (AND the humility), but the ability to be very helpful here. I think that all bad habits, of every degree, are an attempt to establish/excite/cause/stimulate the experience of 'life' (identity/self) just as a soldier in battle 'FEELS' the intensity of life. I've heard someone suggest that there is a biological release of endorphins, no doubt there is a physiological effect.

Anyway, I think that you can be a big help here (try to avoid the habit of giving 'pep speeches', your 'survivor's wisdom' is too valuable to waste, anyway, pep speeches are a dime a dozen), and maybe 'I' will be able to understand more about the experience of life (self).
Tweet