I've been there too!

While my Depression doesn't go as far back into childhood as yours does, it does go back to age 13. (I'm 29 now) I too was seen as such a smart person in school, and I too had a hard time understanding it. Still do. I took sociology in college, bad idea for those of us who aren't Science minded! And when I finished I wondered if it was a major waste of time and effort. I was burned out and couldn't do further schooling, which hasn't changed.

During that time period my dad was majorly ill with PTSD (trauma from vietnam) and my problems were forced onto a backshelf. I also wondered if I was ever going to have a serious relationship. I hadn't dated in high school. I had arthritis, acne, weight problems, what turned out to be hormone problems (didn't know that at first) and a host of others that cropped up later. BUT!!!!! (there is a but in all of this) I DID find someone. He was wonderful enough to know that I just needed the friendship at the time, though it was frustrating at times. Long story short, we married and own a (struggling) business. I still have problems, Depression and health, but he's there for me. So it's NOT impossible!!

Now, for what your going through. I'm going to guess that you either had/have pets or played with other person's pets. That means you ate without washing up. That is all it takes for this Acne problem to take hold and not let go. My own health problems can be traced back to the same thing, our pets. What I found, that has helped a great deal, is really very simple. First I started on glyconutrients (cells need them to work and communicate properly, research is ongoing) because of my bodies inability to deal with any meds or nutritional needs. But what has really helped is two things. L-cysteine (an amino acid) and green Black-Walnut hull with Wormwood tincture. Exactly one yr ago I started on these. My Acne has lessened a great deal, including the ongoing infection that's always been present. My other health concerns have either gotten much better or lessened agreat deal. It's taken a yr because I need to do alternative therapies very slowly so as to coddle my stomche(it's very fragile still). But I do know that they help much quicker if the regular proticol is followed, I follow Dr. Clark. Dr. Clark suggests liver flushes, her's is rather quick and easy, but I haven't done so yet (stomache again). I also know that the first couple usually make the Acne worse, then it gets better. That's the health side.

Now for the most important side. Many people have the same problem with natural cures as you do, where's the research? It takes a person willing to ASK the question before it gets looked into. Just think of the amount of people who would be helped if someone was willing to look into the research behind natural cures! You seem to be a person who can read and understand those study articles, those being interpreted for the rest of us would be invaluable! (research articles are gobbledy gook for me) You have a gift in your ability to understand, and do, research. Regardless of the Depression caused fog you live with. You are seen as "unusual" because so many of us can't even begin to understand that side of science. The foggy thinking is a side effect of depression, the ability still exists. None of this is to say that your life isn't bery hard right now, because it is. Perhaps an alternative thinking pattern would be helpful.

Perhaps college would be better held off for a semester or two, that happens more often then not. And perhaps it would be better if you did something positive that made you feel like you are making progress. That could be reading reseach articles about natural cures and traditional cures as well. Perhaps it's volunteering. Perhaps it's getting a job and feeling like your making a dent in your bills. Whatever you do, do something that shows a positive in your life.

If you do decide to stay in college then perhaps you need to stop comparing yourself to others. That's a very hard thing to do!! I still compare myself more often then not. But you need to know that you are a wonderful human being. You need to know that what you can do mentally and physically means a lot to other people. You need to know that your loss to this world would be awful. You need to know that depression can get better!! How do I know that? I'm fighting the same battle. Everyday I fight to see something positive in my existance. Everyday I fight to find the positive amongst the negatives that are so easy to see. And every once in a while I succeed. Everyonce in a while I see the positive first, and forget to notice the negative. Every once in a while is becoming much more often then it was a yr ago.

Anyone not effected by depression will be clueless, either by lack of experience or by choice. Many refuse to see that the wonderful, smart person has problems. That is their problem!! They are the ones who are blind!! They are losing out on life by there own self caused blindness. (my mom's amongst those) They don't intend to hurt you, they are actually hurting themselves. Consider it as a type of emotional self-mutalation. The clueless ones can be made to understand by info from professionals about depression and how bad it is. Sometimes a book is needed. I HAVE depression and needed a book to understand it!! It also takes the person who is depressed letting the rest in on the pain they feel. I can tell you that that is scary! But suddenly they understand, and are much more sympathetic then before. It is worse the pain and hardship to speak up about the pain.

I pray that you keep coming back. And I pray that you can see your life as being something that is worth fighting for. Don't let the demons of depression win!!

God bless Tweet