I_am "That"

    SOHAM BHAVO NAMASSKARAH

The rishi says, ”SOHAN. BHAVO NAMASKARAH – the feeling of I am That is the salutation.” Unless the lowest can feel that he is the highest, he cannot be at home in this universe. But this is not a declaration: this is a feeling. You can declare that ”I am God” and that may not be a deep feeling at all. That may be just an egoistic assertion. If you say that ”I am God and no one else is God”, then you have not felt it. When it is a feeling, it is not a declaration on your part – it is a declaration on the part of the whole Existence.

The rishi says, ”I am God, I am That.” He is saying that everything is God, everything is That. With him, the whole Existence declares. So it is not a personal statement. Al-Hillaj Mansoor was killed because Islam could not understand this language. When he said, ”I am God,” they thought Al-Hillaj was saying, ”’I’ am God.,” It was not Al-Hillaj at all. It was simply that Al-Hillaj became vocal on the part of the whole Existence. It was the whole Existence speaking through Al-Hillaj, declaring. Al-Hillaj was no more – because if he was, then this declaration becomes personal. So this is the second dimension.

Man exists in three categories. One is when he says ”I am” without knowing who he is. This is the ordinary existence of everyone, the feeling of ”I am” without knowing ”who I am”. The second stage is when he comes to know ”I am not” – because the deeper you ponder over this am-ness, the more you dig, the more you will find that you are not, and the whole phenomenon of ”I” disappears. You cannot find it. So there is no question of making it disappear. You simply do not find it; it is not there.

If you exist without any search, you feel that ”I am”. If you begin to search, you will come to know that you are not. This is the second state: when man comes to know that he is not. First he was probing deep into the phenomenon of ”I am”; now he will have to probe into the phenomenon of ”I am not”. This is most arduous. The first is difficult, very difficult. Even to come to the second is a long journey. Many stay at the first. They never probe into ”Who am I?” Only very few go into a deep search to know who it is that says ”I am”. Then, among those few, very few will go again on a new journey to know what this ”I am not” is, what is this feeling of ”I am not”. With ”I am not”, still I am, but now I cannot say ”I am”; I feel as if there is a deep emptiness.

Hindus have said that the first is ”I-am-ness”; the second is simply ”am-ness”. The ”I” is dropped, but my existence is there. Even if I am empty, nothing, still I am. This is called ”am-ness”. The first they call ahankar – ego; the second they call asmita – am-ness. If someone goes deep into ahankar, he ego, he comes to asmita, amness. And now, if one again goes deep into this am-ness, he comes to Divineness. Then he says, ”I am That; aham brahmasmi – I am God.” Through emptiness, one becomes all. Through nonbeing, one becomes the very ground of Being. Dissolving, one becomes all.

This sutra, ”SOHAM BHAVO NAMASKARAH,” is the feeling of the third state. When man has dissolved completely, ego has disappeared. Even am-ness is not a finite thing now. One has come to the very source, as if one is just a gesture in a dance; just a gesture in a dance! He has probed deep, and now he has come to the dancer. Now the gesture of the dance is that ”I am the dancer”.

This is going in. First you go in yourself, but you are relative to the universe. So if you continue, then you are stepping down into Existence. If you go on continuing, then from the periphery you will one day come to the center.

Even a leaf in the wind has its own individuality. If the leaf begins to travel inwards, sooner or later it will go beyond itself; it will enter into the branch. If it goes on, then sooner or later it will not be the leaf, it will not be the branch: it will become the tree. If it goes on, sooner or later it will not be the tree: it will become the roots. And if it still continues, sooner or later it will become the Existence: it will go beyond the roots.

But the leaf can remain itself without moving in. Then the leaf can think, ”I am”; this is the first stage. If the leaf moves, sooner or later it will find, ”I am not the leaf. I am more: I am the branch.” Then, ”I am not the branch. I am even more: I am the tree.” And then, ”I am not even the tree. I am still more: I am the roots, the hidden roots.” And if the journey goes on, from the roots also it will take a jump – it will become the whole Existence.

This is a feeling, a realization. And this is the more difficult part because intellectually your ego would like to declare that you are God, you are Divine. Intellect tries always to be high, at the peak. The very effort of the ego is to be something supreme. So this can appeal to you, this can appeal to the ego. It can say, ”Okay this is right: I am God.”

But this sutra says this is the salutation, and salutation is a deep humility, a humbleness. It is not to put yourself on the peak, because then there is no one whom you can salute. This was the problem with Islam when Al-Hillaj declared. He declared himself God and Islam felt: ”This is not humbleness – this is the c1imax of being egoistic!” So those who killed him felt that they killed him very righteously, in good faith: this was the peak of ego!

This sutra is contradictory. It declares that you are That, and this is the salutation. If this is felt and realized, then the peak will salute the valley – because now there is nothing else but the Divine, and now the peak will realize that it is dependent on the valley. Then light will salute darkness and life will salute death. because everything is interdependent and interrelated. At this peak of realization, one becomes humble – because this declaration of ”I am That” is not against anyone. It is for everyone. Now, through me, everything is declaring its Divinity.

Many people were there when Al-Hillaj was killed; many were throwing stones. He was laughing, he was prayerful, he was loving. There was a sufi fakir also present in the crowd. The whole crowd was throwing stones, and the sufi fakir, just to be one with the crowd, just in order not to let them feel he did not belong with them, threw a flower. He could not throw any stone, so he threw a flower just to be one with the crowd – so that everyone would feel that he was with them, that he belonged to them.

Mansoor began to weep. When the sufi’s flower hit him, he began to weep. The Sufi became uneasy. He came nearer and he asked Mansoor, ”Why, when they are throwing stones, are you laughing, praying for them? And I have thrown only a flower!”

Mansoor said, ”Your flower hits me more because you know. This is not a declaration for me. I have declared for you and you know, so your flower hits me more. Their stones are just like flowers because they do not know. But this has been a declaration for them. If Mansoor can be Divine,” said Mansoor, ”then everything can be Divine. If even Mansoor can be Divine, then everything can be Divine!” Mansoor went on, ”Look at me! I was no one and yet I declare I am Divine. Now everything can be Divine.”

This is a declaration not from the ego: this is a declaration from a non-ego realization. When one begins to feel that one is nothing, only then can one come to this. Then it is humble; then it is the most humble possibility. It becomes a salutation – a salutation to the whole Existence. Then the whole Existence has a Divinity.

Mystics have denied temples, mosques, churches, not because they are meaningless, but because the whole Cosmos is a temple. Mystics have denied statues, not because they are meaningless, but because the whole Existence is the image of the Divine. But to understand their language is difficult. They appear to us as antireligious – denying statues, denying images, denying temples, churches, denying scriptures; denying everything that we believe to be religious. They are denying only because the Whole is Divine. And if you insist on the part, that shows you do not know about the Whole.

If I say, ”This temple is Divine,” just by saying this I have said that the whole universe is not Divine. If this temple is just part of a greater temple, then it is a different thing. But if this temple is against the Whole, against other temples – not only against other temples: if this temple is against any ordinary house even, if this temple says that houses are not holy and only temples are holy, it is a denial of the Whole.

For the Whole, mystics have denied the parts. But for us there is no Whole; we do not know anything about the Whole. So even when the part is denied it is uncomfortable, because that is all we know. If someone says there is no temple, it is enough for us that he is not religious. He may be saying this: that because everything is a temple, do not make anything in particular a temple; do not say anything in particular is Divine, because everything is Divine. This is the salutation.

We are also worshipping. We go to the temple, to the mosque, to bow. We bow down, but the ego remains standing. It is only a bodily movement. The inner ego remains unmoved. Rather, it may become even more straight because you have been to the temple, because you have been to the teerth – because you have been on a holy pilgrimage – because you have been to Quaba. Now you are no ordinary person! You are ”religious” because you bowed down, but it was a bodily gesture. Your ego has become more strengthened by it; it has been a food for your ego. Your ego has been vitalized; it is not dead.

That is why so-called religious persons will always be more egoistic than ordinary worldly persons. They have something mo)re that you do not have. They are ”religious”: they do prayer daily! When you go to a cinema hall your ego may not be strengthened, but when you go to a temple it is strengthened, because in a temple you can never feel that you are guilty. You may feel in a cinema hall that you are guilty; you may feel in a hotel that you are guilty, but you can never feel that you are guilty in a temple. You feel superior; you become more respectable; you gain something in terms of ego.

Look at the faces of persons coming out from temples. Observe them! Their egos are more strengthened. They are coming out with some gain; this has been a ”vitamin”. You can bow down without bowing down at all – and that is the problem. Bowing must be inner. And if then the body follows, it is a deep experience. Even in the body it is a deep experience – if you are bowing inwardly with the feeling that because everything is Divine, then wherever you bow down you are at the feet of Divine. If your body moves with this feeling, then your body also will have a deep experience, and you will come out of it more simple, more innocent, more humble.

What to do? Man has invented many things, but they have not helped. And man’s ego is so subtle and cunning, and it can deceive you in such subtle ways that you cannot defeat it. If there is a God somewhere in heaven you can bow to Him, and you can still behave egoistically with the whole Existence because you feel that this world is not Divine. Your Divinity, your God, is somewhere high in heaven. To this world, you can go on behaving as you were behaving, and you can behave even more badly because now you are related to the Supreme Authority. Now you have a direct link. You can dial any moment to the Supreme Authority; you can tell Him to do anything.

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