Re: Step Up

I love you guys!!!! Thank you so much, all of the posts have added abit more to my new regime and I will follow all of them to reveal my true innerself. Thank you guys, it truly means so so much.

It takes so much energy to put myself out there, but I've done it before.. the other morning I just couldn't take it anymore. I just let loose and turned up really loud, fast-paced swing music and just started dancing around the house being happy. It felt like I was releasing all of the anger that has built up over the past few months when I was dancing.

And this part was best of all, I started acting lunatic crazy... I just opened my mind up and didn't analyze what I was going to say as I've become accustomed to (I always have to think 5 minutes before I say something because my mom has made me so nervous about speaking my mind) and I just started blurting out crazy psychotic things like "DID YOU HEAR 'BOUT 'DEM 'DERE ROBOTS? THEY ARE COMING TO TAKE THE SKIN OF ALL THE NEWBORN BABIES MADE OF TISSUE PAPER!! And watch out for them fish, they are learning how to breathe out of water and use computer chips placed in our heads to communicate thoroughly with the newly invented PUNCTUATION point, but there has got to be more than just PERIOD. QUESTION MARK. EXCLAMATION. Comma is one, but it groups small words together, JUST LIKE THE ROBOTS NEED REBOOTING EVERY NOW AND THEN, like my friend, Ben, for instance.... he is still a 2004 model, ROBOTS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE REPROGRAMMED EVERY 2 YEARS!!!! Not to mention have their tissue paper cleaned out of their ears. What 'bout them there new letters? YOU INVENTED A NEW ONE CALLED SLINE! Combination of "seven" & "nine", or is that a new NUMBERRRRRRRRR? I just don't know!! HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT COLORS PEOPLE ACTUALLY SEE, WHAT IF THE WHOLE TIME I THOUGHT BLUE WAS BLUE, SOMEBODY SAW BLUE AS GREEN.. AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE! WHAT COLOR DO YOU SEE BLUE AS? HHHHHHHUUUUUUHHHHHHH? I don't know!!"

For hours on end I was saying stuff like that, occasionally rolling around on the floor and hysterically laughing, and she was getting so scared.. she really thought I was on crack or possessed.. but the thing was, was that I had control. I know it sounds like I'M the crazy one, but I know I'm not.. I just have to outdo her in the craziness department. That's the only way I'm going to gain my identity, confidence, and life back. We were no longer on the same level, because she could usually keep up with me and she'd always win because I just didn't want to put forth any energy so I would just say "okay" and lock myself in my room. But now, I've gotten the strength to fight back with crazy talk and it completely overpowers her. She doesn't know what to do. She just stands there and acts like she's about to call the police because the way I'm acting is just so out of it.. but it's fun. It's fun to have control back and open my mind without thinking of what I'm going to say. Sometimes I don't have enough energy to keep it up, but I'm working on it and I think if I get pissed off today, the "robots" are going to reappear. ;) Thanks everyone!!!