i want to live but not like this!!! 22 months of hell!!!

Although I feel like ending my misrable life, my hope will die last.

I miss my normal life, my kids, my husband, my work, my frieds, my food

The chronic pain I've been having everyday for 22 months now came on one day into my entire upper body. Back then, I couldn't even tell where exactly it was coming from, it felt in the entire upper body. Something flared up and stays there ever after although it's more defined now.

I am 40 years old female, never smoked, drink no alcohol, no coffee (since the problem came).

My symptoms are:
1. The Pain with very annoying pulsating sensation is mostly in the pit of my stomach and right across in my middle back (in the middle just under the shoulder blades). Sometimes it can be felt more in the left side of my back.
2. It feels like there is some organ inside had enlarged and creating a pressure on my diaphragm from underneath, hence causing pressure feeling in the pit of my stomach and in my throat, difficulty breathing.
3. Bending forward and taking deep breaths because more pressure and pain.
4. Pain and pulsation gets worse after I eat or drink no matter what even little portions.
5. I belch a lot specially soon after I eat.
6. Running low grade fever every day, especially after food.
7. While sleeping at night, the pain subsides. The pain builds up throughout the day starting soon after breakfast. By the end of a day I am in bed in a lot of pain and fever. I've got a fear of eating by now because I know every time I eat I'll end up in more pain.

What's been done:
1. Ultrasound - normal
2. CT scan - normal
3. MRI of abdomen - normal, apart from a cyst in one of my kidneys which doctor said not to worry about.
4. 2 MRIs of my spine - no major issues found
5. 3 gastroscopies - first one found nothing, second - found gastritis which was cleared up by the time of the third one.
6. My gastroenterologist said that he checked my pancreas (I guess thru blood test) and it was normal, although I never saw those results.

7. All blood tests were normal.
8. Yoga, acupuncture, 3 physios, 2 chiropractors, hydrotherapy - no improvement.
9. Tried 3 antidepressants - no relieve
10. Currently on Norspan 5ml patches (10ml cause too much side effects) - gives a little pain relief, but doesn't fix the problem.
11. I don’t know if I would have diarrhea but due to being on norspan I’m mostly constipated. Sorry about the details, but my stool smells abnormal, not like before.
12. Listen to this!!! The only thing that was found abnormal was my gallbladder.  HIDA scan showed GB function at 19%, no gallstones.  I thought - FINALLY FOUND THE PROBLEM! I didn't even think twice about the surgery, I wanted it so much with hope. GB's been removed 10 days ago. Three days after surgery - the PAIN CAME BACK MORE INTENCE THEN EVER!!! WHY??!!! Interesting fact: while I stayed in hospital, they had me on a drip in my arm to keep me hydrated. While on the drip and during the next three days I didn't have the PAIN, I only felt the pain from the cuts which was different. I started getting exited until on the fourth day the PAIN started to come back. I'm wondering if it was the liquid they put through the drip or anesthetics that kept my PAIN down? Not sure, but something made the difference for 3 days. So, my GB is gone for nothing!!!

Can somebody tell me if my PAIN sounds like chronic PANCREATITIS? I read somewhere that if this drip in the arm makes difference for pain, it could be PANCREATITIS. Does anybody know anything about this relation? What other tests would help to diagnose PANCREATITIS? It's not that I want it to be, but better be something.

I haven't been found any gallstones in my GB, liver of bile ducts. Is it possible for those to be missed? I also want to do a liver flush although very scared of it. I can't afford to make it worse. I am desperate; I hope it won't make it worse than it is already. I probably have nothing to lose...
Do you think it's too early after the surgery (10 days since) to do a liver flush? On the other hand why wait – I’m not getting any better and my body’s already tired and exhausted by the illness. Did anybody have success with liver flush for their PANCREATITIS?

I don't see any hope, even if it's PANCREATITIS, I read it's not fixable, I would have to live with it for the rest of my life which is no more longer. Is there any help/hope for PANCREATITIS if that's what I have? PLEASE GIVE ME HOPE!!!!! I NEED TRULY SACCESS STORIES!!! ANYBODY KNOWS GOOD SPECIALIST IN MELBOURNE???!!!WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE???!!!

Can anybody share their success stories to give me some faith?

I WANT TO LIVE BUT NOT LIKE THS!!! GIVE ME SOME HOPE AND HELP PLEASE!!!