Re: Anger Management...How do you make-up with a serious gilfriend after a violent episode?

When someone intimate says they are afraid of you, you are at an impasse. That is a serious place, that you might not be able to come back from. (She may also be afraid of her own feelings--insofar as she was driven to throwing a glass.) You have to be very, very honest with yourself and search your soul to see if she has genuine reason to be afraid of you--No one should. That is, you have called the episode "violent", so you already do accept that it WAS that. The question is, how likely are you to be harming her in any way in a similar manner? Is this the first time any thing like this has happened, with any girlfriend--serious or not? This is for you to examine, in yourself. (not to answer to me) It always can seem like it was some object that caused the harm to *happen*, such as this shopping cart; but it took a person being there, doing the pushing.
Being, in a snse, posessed. And one throwing a glass--which is also not "okay", although it is a little more controlled. (She too may have real anger issues)If there was alcohol or drugs involved, it gets more complex, and suggests more therapy... Traditionally, such objects are considered more "acceptable", in an argument: dishes, and so forth. But never if these are thrown AT someone; same idea applies with pushing or attacking, however 'mild' one's attack was; this crosses the boundary of doing another harm. Understandably you are deeply upset by this.

And there is forgiveness that has to g-r-o-w. It's not a quick thing, such as: you feel deep remorse, and feel awful and apologize repeatedly, and then when she doesn't soften, you lose patience with her making you suffer... You see where this can go? This is the sort of cycle that can ocurr.

Depression too, however, can be anger, being suppressed: some sort of joint counselling is a good idea. It would seem to be the only sensible way to move forward. At the very least--and it would be of great help to you both; it would enable you to give each other foregiveness. Even if you decide not to go on with the relationship, it would be very good to leave it in a wholesome way, with the guidance of someone who can help you both see your way past this.

Very often, a man will refuse to do this, and convince himself there is really no problem; and *that* is a woman's sure sign she needs to let the relationship go. It's to her credit she suggested this. And yours, that you are asking for help. I hope you are truly ready to renounce this person who GOT angry. Anger is so dangerous. A good therapist will encourage both of you to be open and honest,
to feel safe to express yourselves in a way that is often hard, in the 'outside world', and will have your well-being at heart. (both yours, that is)

Could be a real turning point for you-->>the end of an old way; I hope so.

Chiron


PS--you know, age 28 is a very intense year for a man. It marks a turning point; astrologically, which you don't have to beleive, but the effects are well-documented, it represents a year when a man comes to terms with his own father--or father figures. If he doesn't handle the navigation well, of 'becoming his own man', which sometimes involves breaking away from an old condtioning, while seeing it and making peace with it, he will tend to 'act out', against his father. Just thought you might find this information useful. You might even be able to find a cousllor who has some astrolgical knowledge, which can bring more light to the issues. Soemtimes too, a relationship is very "karmic" in the sense that it is bringing forward old patterns; the purpose here is to bring both people to more seeing, and ultimately, to more compassion, and wisdom. In other words--if you truly want peace and truly ARE peaceful, then this can be the start of a great new chapter. it's sobering, for sure. Like all great things. Tweet