It takes time to make-up any bonds. Girls/Women piss me off sometimes too, especially when it is irrational or illogical behavior on their behalf. From the limited details of your post, it sounds like a normal fight between a couple. Getting a little physical is normal, but a full blown abuse does not sound like what you described here.

Regardless of how serious your relationship may be, it is always best to step away from the deep commitment that you may share with her. Counseling, like you said, may help, but I believe that removing all emotion first, then adding some care and compassion when you initiate a conversation will go a long way with her. Women are emotional beings and want to feel comfortable, loved, etc... when you talk to them, even if they are yelling at you. All you can really do is say how sorry you are that you pushed her and she got hurt, explaining that you understand it will take time to get that trust back.

For us guys, we just plow through life usually without regard for others "feelings." I wish we could just keep plowing, but there is a complex battle going on between you two. The arguments are you two figuring each other out, pushing each others buttons, kind of like when children cry in a store when their parents don't by them the "toy." Analogously, the toy is feelings, you need to figure out whether to buy the toy or not. The feelings are very important to women, you need to attend to them as best you see fit.

When someone intimate says they are afraid of you, you are at an impasse. That is a serious place, that you might not be able to come back from. (She may also be afraid of her own feelings--insofar as she was driven to throwing a glass.) You have to be very, very honest with yourself and search your soul to see if she has genuine reason to be afraid of you--No one should. That is, you have called the episode "violent", so you already do accept that it WAS that. The question is, how likely are you to be harming her in any way in a similar manner? Is this the first time any thing like this has happened, with any girlfriend--serious or not? This is for you to examine, in yourself. (not to answer to me) It always can seem like it was some object that caused the harm to *happen*, such as this shopping cart; but it took a person being there, doing the pushing.
Being, in a snse, posessed. And one throwing a glass--which is also not "okay", although it is a little more controlled. (She too may have real anger issues)If there was alcohol or drugs involved, it gets more complex, and suggests more therapy... Traditionally, such objects are considered more "acceptable", in an argument: dishes, and so forth. But never if these are thrown AT someone; same idea applies with pushing or attacking, however 'mild' one's attack was; this crosses the boundary of doing another harm. Understandably you are deeply upset by this.

And there is forgiveness that has to g-r-o-w. It's not a quick thing, such as: you feel deep remorse, and feel awful and apologize repeatedly, and then when she doesn't soften, you lose patience with her making you suffer... You see where this can go? This is the sort of cycle that can ocurr.

Depression too, however, can be anger, being suppressed: some sort of joint counselling is a good idea. It would seem to be the only sensible way to move forward. At the very least--and it would be of great help to you both; it would enable you to give each other foregiveness. Even if you decide not to go on with the relationship, it would be very good to leave it in a wholesome way, with the guidance of someone who can help you both see your way past this.

Very often, a man will refuse to do this, and convince himself there is really no problem; and *that* is a woman's sure sign she needs to let the relationship go. It's to her credit she suggested this. And yours, that you are asking for help. I hope you are truly ready to renounce this person who GOT angry. Anger is so dangerous. A good therapist will encourage both of you to be open and honest,
to feel safe to express yourselves in a way that is often hard, in the 'outside world', and will have your well-being at heart. (both yours, that is)

Could be a real turning point for you-->>the end of an old way; I hope so.

Chiron


PS--you know, age 28 is a very intense year for a man. It marks a turning point; astrologically, which you don't have to beleive, but the effects are well-documented, it represents a year when a man comes to terms with his own father--or father figures. If he doesn't handle the navigation well, of 'becoming his own man', which sometimes involves breaking away from an old condtioning, while seeing it and making peace with it, he will tend to 'act out', against his father. Just thought you might find this information useful. You might even be able to find a cousllor who has some astrolgical knowledge, which can bring more light to the issues. Soemtimes too, a relationship is very "karmic" in the sense that it is bringing forward old patterns; the purpose here is to bring both people to more seeing, and ultimately, to more compassion, and wisdom. In other words--if you truly want peace and truly ARE peaceful, then this can be the start of a great new chapter. it's sobering, for sure. Like all great things.

harsh. really harsh to hear out loud, isn't it? why allow people into your life that aren't right in the head? always amazes me that folks come into this forum and spout the obvious negatives about this girl or that guy and end it by saying "but i love her". she's a problem. meds screw with a person. don't discount that fact. you're dating a depressed person who has to take medication to cope with life. you're 38, right? is this the life you want to make for yourself? she'll throw a fit now, later, and well into an eventual marriage. this is what you're signing up for, mate. life shouldn't be this tough. if she throws a temper tantrum once more during your dating process, dump her. i've told guys to do this for years and years on curezone and they come back thanking me. they now have "normal" women who ADAPT and react normally to life's curveballs. chances are you won't heed my warning but if you do...i'll be waiting for my "thank you" in a couple...