Re: worse than ever

I understand your frustration, and I know that "frustration" is a very mild description for what you are going through.  Yet, I implore you not to lose the will to live.  Again, I know what this is like.  Sometimes life's circumstances can get to the point where you see no way out, causing one to give up and lose their very will to live. 

I emphasize that somewhere there is a "root cause" to your condition.  It looks like you have exhausted all physical options.  Have you considered that there may be an "emotional" root behind all this?  Not the emotional grief that you are undergoing now, but past buried hurts.  When did this condition begin?  What was going on in your life then?  Any type of grief?  Any anger, unforgiveness in your life?  Any childhood traumas?  

I also want to emphasize that outward appearance means nothing.  It's all about what a person is, their being, their very soul.  Anyone who bases a relationship on face value, no matter who you are, doesn't deserve the time of day to begin with.  I know that this is hard because we all place emphasis in our outward appearance and this is promoted by the mass media.  There are many who suffer from handicaps, and this may not be the right word, that lead a fulfilled life.  It's all about valuing one's self no matter what the circumstances, and I know, this can be so very hard to do.  It's a whole spiritual path that entails learning and growth.  I still implore you not to give up.

As I write these words, believe me, I feel your suffering.

Have you considered some type of therapy where you can talk about your feelings with someone and receive guidance?  Maybe joining some type of support group?

I realize that with the amount of suffering that you are enduring, these words may not make a dent.  Yet, I am hoping that something will spark pointing you to an answer.  There is one out there somewhere.  I know what it is like to truly lose all hope and I know what it is like to give up, having endured pain for what seems to be an interminable amount of time and not seeing any type of silver lining while trying to peer through the keyhole to the future.  I know what it's like to simply want to shut the door.  Yet, once we do that, we will never find the answer.

Please do not give up hope.  I still say, there is an answer to everything.

Luella