what about depression?

Dr. Sutter... can you give me any advice about depression?

I've suffered with it for 20+ years... I did find a little relief for a short time, years ago, when I was on zoloft.. but had to go off due to some nasty side affects. Tried many other depression medicines over the years... and each one had unbearable side affects... and now that I know better, I won't ever go on them again.

I've tried St. John's wart.. and it did absolutely nothing for me at all.. I've tried burying myself in my religion, ony to become more depressed because God never helped me...

I've been working on my health.. and have done a couple humaworm parasite cleanses... I've done a 30 day colon cleanse.. and I will be doing my 3rd liver cleanse this week (I've been spreading them apart 2 weeks.. ) and none of these things has helped my depression...

Doc... I barely make it through the day... it's not that there is one specific thing that is hurting me... it is just an all consuming sadness.. and disappointment in life. I'm 42 years old, and each day that passes, I realize that there's one more thing I dreamed about in my life that I'm now too old to ever get... I have absolutely NO belief any more that my life will ever change, or that I will ever be happy. I simply do not believe.. with every cell in my body, that life is ever going to change. I don't believe that one day, I'll wake up and realize even ONE of my dreams.. .I've given up trying. All I do.. is put in time.

And, to tell you the honest truth, if it wasnt the fact that I would completely devestate my parents, I would end my life. As it is, I have definate plans to take my own life when my parents finally pass on... There would just be no other reason for me to stay.

I've tried for years to make friends.. no no avail... my marriage is a complete sham...I would end it, if I believed in love and happiness... but,I don't believe that I'm loveable to anyone.. and honestly, I'd rather be miserable, WITH someone.. than miserable without anyone at all..

My job is a dead end.. but there's nothing else I can do... nor do I have any interest in even trying anything at all.

I work during the week... I spend alot of time watching TV, because the characters on TV are my only companions... and on the weekends, I clean my house... that's my life, in a nutshell.

Doc, since I absolutely have to stay alive long enough to be there for my aging parents.. is there anything I can do, naturally, to get rid of the numbness, and pain.. something that will help me to get up in the morning.. and forget about the loneliness and pain... something to keep me from crying most of the day? Something to make my life even slightly more bearable? I really need help..