You want to know what kind of woman lets him back in after choking her?
The same woman who sticks around afterward!
How can you use holding back sex as revenge for him choking you?
I assmue that there is no emotion and love left in your relationship. If there were, sex wouldn't be a problem. And if/since there's not, you shouldn't be using your kids as the very thin glue that bonds you together. The closer they are to the unhealthy atmosphere you two must have emanating from yourselves, the worse off they are.