Okay....you're asking for advice, suggestions, and wisdom, and you've gotten plenty of it from many respondants. It is apparent to me that you are comfortable wallowing in your misery for the moment and that you are throwing yourself a grand pity party. This is not to say that what you're feeling has no validity. What I AM trying to say is that you need to calm down, sit back, and re-read your posts and each response to your remarks. You are not experiencing anything new, Stevebob - this is a part of life, living, and growing up.
As an aside, the ONE problem with pity parties is that, regardless of the number of people you invite, they quickly tire of the antics and you will be wallowing in your self-produced misery, alone.