Re: MS and you as my best friend

Dear Donna:

Your letter was such a welcome relief. I am glad someone knows what I am going thru, because it is pure hell! I mean I was fine one day and the next day I could not talk without stuttering, I could not stand good, could not remember one minute prior, could not talk but slow, my recognition was horrible, my speech not normal, I was like a baby. My head is filled with smoke, my eyes are so blurry and I was like someone in a coma but could not react. I went for a heavy meal with a friend and became sick, like so many said I felt like this is either a stroke or ms. I had to go to a arabic class and had an apointment and by the time I got there I just could not think. They ask me if I knew their names and I said no, so they wrote them down, five minutes later I was ask to remember 3 names and could not. They told me again. Then they tried to teach me some sounds and I could not pronounce them, I started crying, I told them I did not know why, I just cried. Then I remembered my dad when he had cancer and he just cried all the time, he told us it was the sickness as my dad never cried ever in his life. Finally they changed his meds and he stopped crying. Ok so I felt like I was in a different world and told them I had to go as I was extremely sick. I went to get a bus and there was no bus so I walked several blocks to my friend and by the time I got there I was ready for the cemetary. She was so upset and demanded I sleep there but I refused. They took me home and I went straight to bed. The next day I was so out of it, just like in a different world. I forgot things like where I was and what I was doing. I would go off and forget the water was running in the washing machine for over an hour, etc, I mean it was awful not having your brain to help you. I can feel swelling in my brain and have for a long time. I started with tremors 2 years ago. I have been telling the doctors here for 2 y ears I have ms but nobody believed me.

I have Epstein barr virus and the docs here have no ideal what that is so I was watching tv and saw an islamic show on ebv and Ms. I mean he floored me, he said that anyone with ebv for 15 years would have ms or many forms of cancers. I thought this is impossible for I have ebv for 22 years. I looked up on the internet and he was right. Also said ms was caused by milk drinking. So frightened I went on a crash diet and lost 21 kilos, Ok i weight 142 lbs, i have 28 inch waist, cholesterol 133, trilclycerides 66, hdl 65. You get the picture. A woman of perfect health. I cut out all boxes, cans, packages, no pharmaceuticals, herbs only, veg mostly. But Allah has decided different for me. My husband died 7 years ago and I never want to marry again, and I mean never. So I have made it and I have struggled and I have been thru such horrible things and I survived. So the other day every time I would start to get this incoherent state my veins would swell and I knew I did not have good circulation and my first thought was to run for a aspirin but I did not I held out. Allah is testing me so I must be strong.

I have spent tons of money on the internet researching every cure there is and I am trying to lay a plan out. I should tell you I am poor as most in Jordan and I live on welfare but I teach one class every other day which basically takes care of my food so I can not go to specialist and order all the meds they talk about but I know that Allah has a plan and I must be patient. so I am treating myself with what I can afford. Luella sent me a list of things I needed and 95 percent of the things don't exist in Jordan. So I bought some vit c, lecithin, vit e, vit b complex, I have grape seed, ginger, tumeric, olive leaf, oregano oil, pumpkin oil , etc. natural herbs. I take the budwig yogurt mix everyday and that is yogurt drained of the whey mixed with ground flax seeds and cayenne. Big advocate of flax. Ok for my memory I eat everyday yogurt, figs, rosemary and olive oil. I bought some fresh acv as heard that is good for brain fog and hopefully will start that today. I also did some fresh parasite recipes with yarrow and salix and got pumpkin oil, seeds and castor oil. So my first thought was to get rid of the parasites. My diet is basically a colon cleanser so next intend to do kidney cleanse. I did do that lemon and olive oil cleanse the other day.

My neighbor came to see me and freaked, she could not believe how sick I was and how I was just not coherent so she insisted I go to the dr and I told her I wanted no meds and she was shocked. So the next day she brought me some money from a sheik in UAE to go see a doctor. So I went and he told me I had severe b12 deficiency and not reverseble, I was shocked, do you mean I will always be a zombie? So I went to my friend today and got some test done, cbc, b12 and folate. Guess what I am in perfect health. My b12 is high. I was afraid because the people on the forum told me I must eat meat and I eat none so today went and bought some buffalo as very low in fat and made some frekeh, high in b12. When I saw the results I just started crying cause that meant my ms was much farther along. I go to the doc and he tells me I am a mental case and nervous. I tell him I am not nervous. He insist to give me tranquilizers. I told him you don't get dementia from nervousness. So he proceeds to write me a prescriiption for dementia. Can you imagine how furious I was, just anything to shut me up. How many people run to the pharmacy to get the prescriiption filled. Well not me. So this proves that I can exist as a vegetarian eating my flax seeds.

So you see going to Amman which I can to look for a specialist is not an option. My friend the lab owner told me Sara, there is no meds for MS and I say i know. You have to understand the mentality here and that is that everything is from Allah and when rare diseases come up they just push them under the covers. Ok yes there are a few good doctors but big bucks and I figure if Allah want me well he will give me the knowledge. My departed husband said, If Allah wants you to go to the hospital he will provide the money and if he doesnt then accept that. He also told me loosing weight was cheaper than going to a doctor.

So I am just so overwhelmed with the many decisions I have to make, I am just so tired and trying to survive. yes i have a good feeling of hope but just so tired. Many people are supporting on the forum and sends me ideals but you just don't know which way to go. I mean this is a decision that will affect my life. It is so hard for me to work but I am trying as I feel it is good to leave the house. Stress yes everyday, have 3 cats, no children, have a small house and all the necessary things.
Live a simple life, pray 7 times a day and worship my lord, I guess that is what is important in this life.

Allah bless you for your kindness.