Re: My Story...

Well, I'm not surprised you don't trust your judgment because that's what got you into this in the first place. I was raised by a father who was very lecherous towards other women and even his daughters (he was always leering at us) I was afraid of him when I was 7 years old. But this story was suppressed by my family especially my mother so I learned not to trust my judgment. Married an awful person who was like all the bad parts of all my family combined. Within 3 days of meeting him he had called me stupid and I thought it meant he really knew me because my sister had called me stupid every day for many years. Well, of course you know the reality is that that was one of my first signals about him which I ignored or rather internalized and made it that I was deserving of that treatment. I lived w/ him and he raped me every morning (He would wake me up for sex in the morning and I would say no but he would have his way anyway and I would then enjoy it because I valued being a good sex partner over anything else that was going on. I have a few more stories about rape so I know where you are coming from in having it happen repeatedly. There is something about you that is not so much as you are attracting it but when the signs are there you are ignoring them.
I hope you go to a good talk therapist who understands what happened to you. Tweet