Re: Order

Regarding the grief scale, you are referring to the work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and the 5 stages of death and dying. In her book and teachings, she discusses how this is not a linear progression and that people may experience them in different orders, may experience stages more than once or may not experience one of more of the stages. Again, when you talk about what people 'should' feel rather than what they DO feel...you are intellectualizing an emotional process and placing a value judgement on emotions. Were you to tell a person experiencing sadness that they 'should' focus on acceptance, they are very likely to feel unheard and unaccepted for who they are in the moment...perhaps worsening their sadness or contributing to frustration.

Again, with the example you gave of a woman being assaulted...there is no 'should' regarding her emotions. Some women may feel numb, others enraged, others terrified, others sad. Some may experience an emotion longer than others and many will cycle through various emotions. For some women, an assault or rape may open pandora's box and result in the resurfacing of buried emotions from previous experiences. People feel however they feel...one is not better than the other. For some women it is helpful to use the legal system to feel a sense of justice (although some women end up feeling re-victimized)...for others they may feel empowered to take a self-defense class...yet others may find it beneficial to assist others who have had a similar experience...others may need professional help in getting through such an ordeal...still others will use meditation &/or prayer to assist their healing. What works for one woman may not necessarily work for another.

If the example you gave involves an actual person, I would suggest that you suggest that she may benefit from professional help from someone who has experience in dealing with women who have been assaulted or raped. This could be an individual therapist or a group of women that have been through a similar experience. She needs to have her feelings validated, to know that they are normal, and to receive the guidance from others who have been through the process of healing from such an ordeal. I would remind her that there are ways to overcome what has happened to her, but I would not try to push her into anything. If she feels pushed into anything she is likely to feel 'forced' yet again.

Also, suicide is not an emotion...it is an action. If a person is talking about suicide they should always be taken seriously and appropriate action should be taken to keep them safe. Actually, Depression isn't a true emotion either. It is the depressing of energy and more of a void of feeling.

*BTW...there are some philosophies that believe that attachment is the obstacle to happiness...including the attachment to seeking happiness. Tweet