I too love this its my a guy called St John of the Cross who was a Christian Poet...I did a long essay a few years back about counselling and spirituality and I came upon the conceptof 'The Dark Night of the Sou' with regard to Depression and anxiety being a spiritual issue that will enable us to let go of our ego and become more real, in order that we live a more authentic and for filling life. I like to think that this is true and that there is a purpose to this pain. That it is darkest before the drawn.

Below is some info on where the term comes from.

The term and metaphysicality of the phrase "dark night of the soul" are taken from the writings of the Spanish poet and Roman Catholic mystic Saint John of the Cross, a Carmelite priest in the 16th century. Dark Night of the Soul is the name of both a poem, and a commentary on that poem, and are among the Carmelite priest's most famous writings. They tell of his mystic development and the stages he went through on his quest for holiness.

The "dark night" could generally be described as a letting go of our ego's hold on the psyche, making room for change that can bring about a complete transformation of a person's way of defining his/her self and their relationship to God. The interim period can be frightening, hence the perceived "darkness". In the Christian tradition, during the "dark night" one who has developed a strong prayer life and consistent devotion to God suddenly finds traditional prayer extremely difficult and unrewarding for an extended period of time. The individual may feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them, or that their prayer life has collapsed.

Rather than being a negative event, the dark night is believed by mystics and others to be a blessing in disguise where the individual extends from a state of contemplative prayer to an inability to pray. Particularly in Christianity, it is seen as a severe test of one's faith. The Dark Night comes in two phases: a first "Night of the Senses," and a second "Night of the Spirit."

Bernadette Roberts, author of The Path to No-Self, What is Self and The Experience of No-Self states:

"My view of what some authors call the "unitive stage" is that it begins with the Dark Night of the Spirit, or the onset of the transformational process - when the larva enters the cocoon, so to speak. Up to this point, we are actively reforming ourselves, doing what we can to bring about an abiding union with the divine. But at a certain point, when we have done all we can, the divine steps in and takes over. The transforming process is a divine undoing and redoing that culminates in what is called the state of "transforming union" or "mystical marriage", considered to be the definitive state for the Christian contemplative. In experience, the onset of this process is the descent of the cloud of unknowing, which, because his former light had gone out and left him in darkness, the contemplative initially interprets as the divine gone into hiding. In modern terms, the descent of the cloud is actually the falling away of the ego-center, which leaves us looking into a dark hole, a void or empty space in ourselves. Without the veil of the ego-center, we do not recognize the divine; it is not as we thought it should be. Seeing the divine, eye to eye is a reality that shatters our expectations of light and bliss. From here on we must feel our way in the dark, and the special eye that allows us to see in the dark opens up at this time."

12858,

I understand why your "Listen" reply was the way it was. The replies to your initial post so far were kind of 'ignoring' your pain. I would feel the same way you do about that (they were not very respectful of your pain, similar to 'mocking' it).

I'm 53 years old, suffered 51 yrs. of suicidal Depression and grew up in a dysfunctional family since childhood, so I know how bad it can be to have a 'mental' family and how bad it can be for the child.

You have no reason to be ashamed, PARENTS should be ashamed of the failure of the family to be peaceful and happy. They failed their God-given responsibility to care for their children properly, and as poetic justice would have it, they remain MENTAL (in my opinion, they're getting off light,...FOR NOW). Anyway, you have no reason to be ashamed. I would also say that you have NO REASON to feel guilty for what happened in the family, you were only a child (and still are),...what were you supposed to do,...beat everybody into submission so they would stop fighting? You were helpless in the situation.

So, you learned to feel helpless, and you learned insecurities and fear of not being in control of a situation.

"fear" is the main reason for agoraphobia (fear of not being in control of a situation, fear of not being able to escape, feeling unsafe), but these are FEELINGS. Unfortunately, the world is not a completely safe place, but you can ride in cars and buses, you can ride elevators, work in offices, restaurants, etc. if you want to. All you have to do is realize that these particular "fears" of being in certain places are just a FEELING. Of course, being in a place that really is dangerous because of what is going on at the time (such as a construction site where a building is being demolished) is a "rational" fear, but being in a restaurant where everybody is sitting down peacefully and eating safely and happily is "safe" (being in a safe and happy place should not be feared, this would be an irrational fear).

It might take a few days of practice to get used to being in a restaurant or riding a bus, but you should have no problem going to the seminar.

Learn the difference between rational fear and irrational fear.

1) When there is a rational/reasonable/logical/sensible reason not to do something because it is KNOWN to be unsafe, this is a RATIONAL fear. If you are aware of there being an UNREASONABLE amount of RISK involved, it is of course rational to be afraid.

2) People in a restaurant eat with KNIVES, but this fear would be irrational.

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There are places that you should avoid because of the unknown risk of being in such surroundings,...like a neighborhood or street where there are not many people around. This is generally considered unwise and unsafe unless you have a gun to protect yourself and it would be considered a rational fear because it would be reasonable to think that you could be a victim of crime.

But a place where there are many people that are peaceful and happy (in public) is not a place for FEAR, but only and always have reasonable CAUTION (don't cross the street when there's traffic, etc.).


You'll be okay for the seminar (and then you'll go to a restaurant for coffee).
Do you have fears in your house?

Oh, and stop feeling ashamed. You have survived a lot from a "dysfunctional" family (that's a "polite" name for a very serious thing, huh?, I know, it's 51 yrs. serious). There is no "standard" way of living life. Other people have such an ego that they think their life and ways of doing things are better than ours, so they ridicule and criticize other people (us especially). The only reason we ever feel ashamed is because we compare ourselves to others. But, those other people that have a NEED to make you feel ashamed,...it's because they really consider you to be better than they are (the truth is NOBODY is better THAN another, but if you learn from a bad situation, you can be better FOR THE EXPERIENCE, better than you were before.

You have no need to be ashamed (disappointed in your family,...YES), but not ashamed (quite the opposite, you are a SURVIVOR and have learned more than you now know, you should be proud of that.

Hope you are feeling better. You sound more upbeat than the first post.

Blessings
Steve