It was no rant, toxnomore. Reaching out for help is a sign of great courage and strength. As far as the religion thing, God is the Creator, not a "religion". God is not a book, either. The bible is the record of what He said up until two thousand years ago and is important to read in order to learn more about Him, but religion is more of a "club" that is about "man" (just to help you separate and identify these differences).

Addictions are commonly explained in a scientific way that makes us feel that we are "captive" to biological functioning, but your "reaching out for help", the reasonableness of your post, your concern about the distinction between religion
and God and your concern about how your marriage and kids are being effected show that you have the strength not to be held captive to biological functioning and that you DO have the ability to stop if only you will realize it. Addictions raise your threshold (reference point) of satisfaction/pleasure/excitement so that not drinking is "sensory deprivation". That is why you...

"associate everything with drinking"

"identity just bloomed"

You are self-conscious about drinking because you know that you could stop, but cannot do it because you are convinced that you are weak...

"I am scared" at people "viewing me as weak"

This is because you have been convinced to hold yourself captive to that scientific "biological functioning".

These are all PSYCHOLOGICAL reasons that you drink (the reasons you are having doubts about profound things like God and superficial religion is that you are a "THINKER" and have the courage to not ignore CONSCIENCE). You have the strength to overcome your psychological addiction, you don't need all the scientfic biological functioning scare stories (you said you are in good health, right? Count your blessings). Logically the liver would be expected to have some wear and tear because of the drinking (but maybe nothing to really be concerned about).


Just to explain a little more about your strength,...Adam and Eve ate of the tree of CONSCIENCE (conscience is what makes a person a person, a true human being with a strong mind). You don't ignore conscience and are a "thinker" (very uncommon). You have a strong mind and can overcome this psychological addiction because you are profound.


You underestimate yourself, it is a "psychological" addiction.

the first of 12 steps is...

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

without that honest... from the gut admission... the other 11 steps are of no use...

Alcoholics Anonymous is not a religious organization... it is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience... strength and hope with each other that they might solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism... it is a "WE" program... "WE" can do together what "WE" could never do alone... the whole principle behind AA is about one alcoholic helping another... as only an alcoholic can truly relate to another alcoholic... for underneath it all we find our many similarities... and we discover that the feelings we have are not as unique as we thought...

i just want to say that if you truly do have a desire to stop drinking AA will work miracles in your life... in fact it will give you a totally new life... one beyond your wildest dreams... and even though you will hear a lot of talk about GOD... does not mean that it has anything to do with religion... what it does do is to help one discover ones innermost "SELF"... the true "SELF"... the "SPIRIT" that dwells within us all...

had it not been for AA i would never have found a "GOD/HIGHER POWER" of my own understanding... which is entirely different from the god that religion had taught me to believe in as a child... the religious god did not work for me... because he was "up there in heaven"... and 'hell' was "down there" somewhere... so that meant that i was on my own... alone... afraid... unsure... insecure...stuck somewhere in between... and didn't know where i belonged... AA allowed me the right to fire my old god... the one that didn't work... and to hire a new one... one that did work for me... one that i could always rely on... one that loved me unconditionally... and for me... my "GOD"... and my "INNERMOST SELF" are very closely connected... and i hope you too find such a connection... for afterwards... you will lose your fears... and insecurities to gain a new strength you never thought possible...

let the scoffers scoff if they wish... it isn't about them... it is about you finding and understanding who you truly are... but only if you wish... only if you are willing to do what many others have done before you to find a life free from alcohol and/or drugs... but mostly free from the bondage of the "self/ego"...

thanks for being here...
it took guts to do what you did...
but my guess it is that it will pay monumental dividends...

"it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood"...
lol...
;-)

You've taken the first and hardest step toward your recovery.

I had a strong involvement with AA for many years. One of the things about this splendid form of support is that people seeking help are not required to believe in anything other than the 12 steps to sobriety. Admitting that we're powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanagable is first and foremost. "God" isn't mentioned, as such, simply because the men who founded AA realized that many people were pissed off with God and organized religion, in general.

One of the best ways that I heard it described with regard to Higher Power was this:
You're in a room with no windows and only one door. That door is the only way to get out. How can we open the door without a knob? Once the knob is there, it becomes a Higher Power in that, without it, we are still stuck in the room.

If I were in your position, I would find one or two local AA meetings, and go. It would be the hardest thing for me to do to go among people I didn't know and admit that there was something over which I had no control, but it would be the start to an entirely new way of thinking. It is vital to understand that AA meetings are support groups that are chaired by recovering alcoholics. Sometimes, the recovery process is going to be anything but warm and fuzzy, but hard work and humility (being humble) pays off. My mother had over 30 years of sobriety when she passed.

You're in my prayers and I wish you the very, very best.

I have a friend who has been in AA for years and tells me he is an atheist. I asked him one time how he reconciled the program of spiritual growth with his beliefs. And he said I do the same things you all do, I cleaned up my side of the street, I made amends to those I had harmed, try to help the new guy when he comes in, and I stay grateful for my sobriety every day. It seems for that guy he had no real difficulty separating doing the next right thing today and this abstract concept called God.

I myself adhere to the Daoist world view as closely as anything. In harmony with the flow of the world. The exact opposite of where I was at the end of my drinking career. They, the Daoists don’t believe in the God Head concept, an All Mighty Celestial Ruler who exacts his judgments on the world. All the world is the “Dao” or “The Way”. And our job is to find that natural harmony and get into rhythm with it.

Picture this if you will...
Two people are in the middle of a deep swimming pool. One of them knows how to swim (in harmony) and the other one does not. The person who knows how to swim can effortlessly travel to any point in the pool. Smooth, fluid motions that are in complete harmony with the water. Now imagine the other person. Flailing around, splashing water in a panic, and going nowhere. In fact the person is drowning. That person is using much more effort than the swimmer, exerting every ounce of their energy, but still they sink. They are not in harmony with the water, and in turn they are drowning, no matter how hard they try to stay afloat. For me, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is like that, it taught me how to swim. Now I can chose to go anywhere in the pool that I want.

Toxnomore… there is one thing I know without a doubt, and that is if something doesn’t change in your life, you keep drinking like you are, in a year or two from now, you will call what is going on in your life right now “The Good Old Days” Things will get worse.

One last thought. You said “Having to rely on someone else to solve your problems etc” Every time we turn on a light, get in a car, go to the store for food, see a doctor, just about every thing we do every day, we rely on someone else to solve our problem. We are a communal species, we do things as a group. Not only is it smarter to do it that way, who can build a car all by themselves? it is a core part of what it is to be human. Relax, it’s as it should be. It is our “Dao”

Richard

The original thread was cross-posted into the Abuse Forum and I was compelled to respond. I'm not an AA member, but I've had decades of association with AA, Alanon, and Alateen. Though some will vehemently disagree, I feel that AA has saved countless lives and families, and I hope that I haven't offended anyone by responding.

Bless one and all.

Toxnomore,

I am not an AA member nor do know all of the 12 steps or have ever been to an AA meeting. I am compelled by my history and my familiarity of this disease to respond to your post.

First I would like to say that I think it is fantastic and a sign of great strength that you have decided to take the step to get some help. Please don't ever think that asking for help is a sign of weakness...it take great courage and strength. Talking to people, even here at curezone is a large step. Every journey starts with one step.

I am from a heavily alcoholic family which goes back many generations. My grandfather was one of four brothers and he was the only one who wasn't an alcoholic. I grew up in 2 alcoholic families. Like many, my parents divorced when I was a baby. When I was 3 my mom remarried a man who was a heavy drinker and drug user. She eventually became the same and lost my twin sister and I when I was 6 and we moved in with my Dad. After 6 months my mom showed the judge that she had cleaned up and we were given back. My mom continued to drink and use drugs for the next 10 years. I did not notice as my mom was not a very heavy drinker but from what she tells me now she drank just about every day. A couple shots before work, when she got home, before going out for pizza. I guess you could say she was a functional alcoholic. My stepfather was a very heavy drinker and drug user and was very hard to get along with. He was also a functional alcoholic. He drank all the time. When I was about 16 my mom decided she didn't want to smoke pot or drink anymore. She had been going to AA for years on and off. Her marriage ended after that and they divorced when I was 18. My mom has been sober for almost 5 years and I am very proud of her. She has a boyfriend who is also a recovering alcoholic and they lead couples meetings as well as other meetings. My mom's boyfriend is also a sponsor.

I'm going to back track a little here....

When I was 8 my dad married a woman who later became and alcoholic. Their marriage lasted 17 years before my dad left her. Her alcoholism tore their marriage apart. She went to rehab when I was 16 but was drinking within a month of getting out.

Back to the present. My twin sister and I are now 27. We were surrounded by alcoholism our entire lives. My sister is an alcoholic. She has not admitted it nor has she taken any steps to stop drinking. We drank heavily as teenagers and started very early. Living in alcoholic families it was easy to drink and I was getting drunk with my step-mom at the age of 16. Although my drinking has become more social over the years my sister went a different way. My sister has a very bad drinking problem. She doesn't drink every day but binges on the weekends, drinks in the morning and drinks in secret so her husband won't get mad. One minute she's sober the next drunk. We are very worried about her. It is heavily effecting her marriage, her health and her relationships. My father is very worried as my sister acts very much like my step-mom.

The reason I am telling you this is to show you how one persons alcoholism can affect others. Alcoholism was already in my genes and my sisters but our chances of being alcoholics were heavily increased by the fact that we had several parental figures that were alcoholics. You seemed very concerned about your family, your sons and the fact that your drinking it affecting them. Your concerns are very well justified. My mom's boyfriend who has been sober for 9 or 10 years is just now beginning to mend his relationships with his 4 children. They were so very hurt and angry with him.

Getting help here, going to AA will change your life. There is fun beyond drinking. There is life and love beyond drinking. Getting help will not only change your life but the lives of your family. Your sons and your wife. I have seen so very many family torn apart by drugs and alcohol...it's scary and it's true. Your children will see your example and it will change them. If you think that your children have been affected my your drinking I would highly suggest getting them involved in Alanon and Alateen, they are wonderful programs.

Just remember you always have help...all you have to do is ask.

Many blessings to you and to your family.