Are we reading the same post? The woman simply stated how she has grown bored of the same old and wonders if it happens to others as well. Where did you find all this information concerning her husband? You have labeled him a loser and the culprit of all her woes without her giving so much as a hint about his own condition,,,in fact, she didn't sound herself as if she was assigning any blame, just wondering if others who mean well also fall into a feeling of being trapped by terminal boredom!

To the original poster: Yes honey, after the initial rush of the first few mnonths or even years, it is entirely possible to desire a return to more intense times, or to ponder if there are greener pastures... Some people decide to move on and they find something else, but not always better. It's a 50/50 crap shot and one can also find a real horror story. Deep regrets can be as possible as deep satisfaction, but be assured that the latter is harder to find and is rarely ever lasting, which brings us back to point number one.

The middle age "itch" usually gives way, and eventually people end up finding more comfort with someone they can truly love, as opposed to the illusive and transitory condition of "being in love"

Good luck to you!

Wow, your question, What is it about him I love? How does he feed my soul? That is very insightful of you. I guess it's the hope I hang on to. The hope that we will one day be that fun, cheery, happy couple we were in the beginning. I think my love is more for what we had, than where we are now. I am loving the old him thinking, I know he has it in him, he's done it." He does not feed my soul. He just does not. Gosh, I feel so alone. I feel as if I'm picking the petals from a flower, leave him, stay, leave him, stay....then I get to the leave him petal and shrink into a hole and hide so I don't have to face it. I am almost certain I need to at least try moving out, but I am so afraid of his reaction and his family's. His family knows nothing. They are good people and love me dearly. I love them too. I have much respect for them.
After prompted by my sharing feelings with him he replied with some thoughts today. He is upset because our 7 year old son doesn't show interest in farming. (He's 7!)! He also fessed up to all I've laid on the table and asked me to please hang tight through this farming season. I agree with him, but he does not have the greatest track record in following through either. Unless, of course it's farm related.

I want to kindly thank you for your reply post. It feels so wonderful to have an opinion out there to help me through this. It means so very much!

You wrote, """In reality that person deserves a chance to find their way as well."""This is a very interesting comment. I certainly have thought about this. The creepy thing is I've actually thought about how I would feel in my heart if he were with another woman and it doesn't seem to spark any bad vibes. I wondered if that was a sign.

This paragraph, will you elaborate? I'm not sure I fully understand, but would like to. """It takes work and dedication, patience and the knowledge that it is where you want to be. And sometimes, even just blind faith."""

This.... """But in the end you will have to answer to yourself and hope not to have many regrets.""" I greatly fear this.

I would definitely not get involved with another. I have male friends (but not on an intimate level), my kids know them. I have no desire to become involved with someone. I feel that's where some of this is coming from, I want to feel independence as a woman. I'm very self sufficient.

Thank you kindly for your reply post. I've been so very lost just chasing my tail. It is hard. Very hard. I feel fortunate that I'm not in a situation as some women are (physical abuse). My heart goes out to them.

One more comment because I though it was significant. My husband mentioned in his email today that he has no desire to socialize or have friends. He has withdrawn from his friends over the last year. He said he has no desire to be around other people. He said all he really needs is his family and his farming??????I enjoy meeting up with families for supper, go to a movie, stay out of town and let the kids swim in an awesome hotel. He's into NONE of this. I want so badly to mentor young underpriveleged children. I do not because of his huge disinterest in children.

Enough already. Thank you again.
Seek, Find, Face, Embrace....

If I had to answer today I would say without him.

As for the maintenance I've taken a few bulls by the horns. I replaced screens, assist my son with his four wheeler starting issues, paint, move furniture upstairs to down. I realized just how bad the kitchen floor was from the refrigerator leaking when I finally moved it out and popped up all the wood flooring to reveal the extent of the problem. Wow! We will be replacing half the kitchen floor. Doesn't look like it while the flooring is in place. My husband is not big on "calling in help." He's a must do it yourself kind of a guy. He built the 1,000 square foot addition to our home 4 years ago.

I am grateful for these thoughts. You all are amazing. This is what I need opinions, input, advice and truth....Thank you...

This is good stuff. I'll try to find the time (you know how that is) to reply tonight or tomorrow. This forum sure is keeping me from feeling so lost. It's giving me hope, regardless of which way I go.

Thanks Ladies...

I think this forum is all about advice and I am a very open minded, realistic person. Your advice is kindly welcomed.

but my 2 cents is that both people really have to have the intent of giving to the relationship to make it work, compromise on both ends, and the willingness to be generous toward your partner and want the best for them. You are absolutely correct. I believe my husband and I (after 10 years of marriage) have gotten better at practicing this message in a general sense. I feel he is extremely aware of this, but has “his own way” of participating. In a sense the hard work he puts into the farm work is a big contribution to the family. I appreciate this from him, but the problem is, we don’t need the contribution. He both have lucrative careers. This is a lifelong dream and hobby for him. I value his determination. It’s great to see him motivated doing something he loves. I just wonder if that’s the only place his motivation will reside. He currently farms 300 acres part time (after his full time day job) but intends to take on triple that in the future.
You know we tell each other every day “love you” several times. We give each other good bye kisses and hugs and greet each other at home after work with the same (if he’s home.) I know he loves me dearly and would never want to lose me. This is I know. What bothers me his lack of motivation to partake in family or “me and him” activities and actually enjoy them. He just doesn’t have an interest. I would never expect him to do “everything” with us. I think it’s extremely important to have personal interests that you pursue on your own. I couldn’t handle being with him 24/7. We have to have our space. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. The problem is, I’m a different person when I’m not with him. I enjoy me and I enjoy me and friends and family.
My husband does not believe in all that “getting in touch with your spiritual side.” He’s a “manly man.” He’s very basic, cowboy boots (refuses to wear shoes), wears wranglers and a button up shirt. He makes fun of guys when he seems them in sandles. He thinks it makes them look like “sissies.” His political views are carved in stone and he gets very upset if I disagree with him over some topic on a candidate. He’s gives up and says “whatever.” That’s fine, but I’m more of an open, accepting individual. I got in touch with my spiritual self about three years ago. I became more free. I became the me I’ve always wanted to be. He told me “the new me” scared him. As for depression, I don’t think that’s an issue. He was depressed a few years ago, very badly. I could see this in him. He does seem to have Depression type symptoms, but quite honestly that’s just his personality. That’s where my biggest problem lies.
2 years ago he accused me of having an affair with my 50 year old boss. I’m 31. My boss is most certainly a likable guy. He’s outgoing, humorous and very intelligent. (My husband is an intelligent man too). I assured him that my boss and I are merely co-workers and we do talk, but he talks with all of his employees. He loves helping others and is full of wisdom at his age. A year ago, we went out for my birthday (which is rare) Many of my friends were in attendance (which is also rare), including my sister. Two days after the outing my sister came to me devastated telling me that my husband groped her, pinned her against the wall and kissed her that evening as she came out of the ladies room. He tried to get her to come home with us and stay all night. I was ABSOLUTELY shocked! She and I played him a little bit through text messaging. As I sat her, without him knowing, she sent him texts asking him what was up with what he did (this was my proof it really happened). He basically told her he was sorry it wouldn’t happen again and asked that she please not say anything to me. This was so hard for me to overcome. We were still working through his porn addiction at this time too.
I understand marriage has its ups and downs. We’ve been through SO MUCH together. I warned him very blatantly many times in letters over the last 4 years if things didn’t start to change I was really afraid I would start to “not care anymore” and start falling out of love with him. Meaning I wouldn’t let things bother me so much and start living my own life and he wants to be with me walk beside me, if not he will be left behind. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost some respect, love and attraction for him. We’ve always had an interesting sex life. We’ve gotten basic toys involved and are very sexual. He does not make love to me unless I beg him. We f**k all the time, but no make love. Usually, he makes very blunt sexual comments during the act and that used to be okay, because it’s just the heat of the moment thing. But now I feel cheap as he does it. Our sex is great, but I do not feel an emotional connection at all. Of course I fear whether his porn problem has really gone away or he's just figured out how to better hide it. I wonder if it will return in the future. How is one to know?
As for the kids, my 15 year old daughter has a very good child psychologist at her disposal due to the unfortunate series of events in her life. She went regularly for a few years and now as needed. My 7 year old son is very stable. He has had so much love in his life. He is a very affectionate, loving little man. He has grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncles that he is very close to. If I were to divorce I don’t feel like it would be a big custody battle. My son would share homes between me and my husband as he wished. My daughter for sure would come with me.
It does sound as if you have a good sound relationship. Yes, you are very fortunate. My husband and I have all the usual problems couples do and we work through those things pretty easily. Primarily, it’s my feeling as if I’m living the majority of my life and making memories alone. I need a balance of making family memories and making myself memories. I travel 3-4 times a year with my job. The trade shows last between 3 – 7 days. He gets pretty grouchy with the kids while I’m gone. He is very short with me on the phone when I call to check in. My company has networking events each evening of the trade show and they do last pretty late. We’re on our feet for 12 hours at the trade show and then enjoy a bit of winding down by having drinks and mingling with industry associates. He thinks I’m looking for someone else. I’ve told him this is just not the case. He’s checked my Cell Phone bill and questioned numbers.
Things aren’t “bad” I just feel alone in my journey. I feel like I’m somewhere I don’t belong, yet I want this marriage and family.