Your response IS harsh, though you do make some valid points. Rape, particularly in cases of a man enduring sexual assault by another man, is something that a person just can't simply "get over" even after a decade. The degradation of rape cannot ever be understated, as this gentleman's story witnesses. Nearly all victims of rape experience post traumatic stress syndrome which is manifested through thought and deed. Get over it? Have you no compassion or empathy?

I would suggest to the original poster that he seek group support and individual counseling. Furthermore I would gently suggest that he cease and desist all attempts to engage in sexually intimate relationships until he has fully processed his ordeal. The fact that he has taken the step to post his ordeal and subsequent mistakes and related behaviors demonstrates his willingness to do something to change the ways that he is choosing to live his life. I would urge the original poster to seek counseling and group support YESTERDAY. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not the first victim of rape, nor will you be the last. There are lessons to be learned through your personal healing that will teach you HOW to move on with dignity and how to BE a father to the children that you have produced so that they will make wise, well reasoned choices for themselves.

As for myself, I was raped by my spouse in manners that the original poster probably was by his attacker. I never filed charges and I cannot change that fact. Nor, can I change the fact that I was raped by my own husband. What I COULD change was my views on life, my choices of expression, and my choices of behavior that might be associated with all of my experiences including my former marital relationship.

Well, this "forgiving" of your tormentor/attacker (not talking about someone who is still attacking) is philosophical. If "forgiving" works for some people, it doesn't mean everyone is ready to do the same.

Forgiving an attacker is subconsciously/philosophically like saying that what they did is okay.

Of course, what I'm saying is politically incorrect,...ok, next time someone beats your head in, I should say to you "So what?, that doesn't bother ME, just forgive them" (or did you want empathy/compassion?). It's not very nice to EVER tell someone to forgive, it should be ONLY their personal decision of whether [or not] to do so, The Lord will be patient.

Every bad happening in this world takes time to get over and it is different for everyone. Other people have to accept the fact that you're angry about what happened (and allow it). People have to validate your anger (let you know that your anger is JUSTIFIED and will not be met with disapproval or scorn...because you really were not the one who did wrong).

Forgiving your attacker doesn't really make sense, it's like putting yourself down and saying that it was good for them to attack you because you are deserving by nature of attacks (self-hatred). I'm fully aware of what God says about forgiveness, I'm a Christian, forgiveness is a personal matter and means that you shouldn't be bloodthirsty and seek an "unjust" (how many GOOD people cry for justice?) PENALTY against the person.

Rape is a terrifying ordeal and emotionally traumatizing, but NOTHING is stolen of who you are and you (mind, heart, and soul) remain the same person as always.

The reason this torment has lasted ten years is because nobody ever simply ACCEPTED and approved your anger, everybody was just saying "oh that's terrible, now just forgive them and get it over with because I don't want to hear any of your whining". How's that for your "Christian forgiving"? (TRUE sorrow/compassion would be nice for a change?).

I'm a child of divorced parents. Before I was 10, it was obvious to me that my parents were not a "match made in heaven". They first separated when I was 15 and divorced years later. It's not just that I grew in constant shock that I was expected to enjoy life, it's that I subconsciously knew that I was born by mistake and my mind knew that I shouldn't exist. A person's childhood is VERY important because they are learning how to live and understand life.

So, the children don't just need financial support, they need to know that they really are welcome on this earth and that they "belong". But before you can give them moral support, you have to straighten out your own head and realize that you are not deserving of dreams, regret, reputation/shame, guilt, or being haunted by the past in any way. You will never recieve any disapproval from me in any way, you are a survivor, strong and triumphant (you just didn't know/realize it).

My father suffered shellshock in the second world war. A warm, just and righteous man will be effected by the insanity of war. You have been effected by the insanity of what you suffered.

7 years, 70 years...when it comes to a violation like this....time seems to stand still. There are times I still feel the burn and pain. The feeling of degradation, hurt, humiliation. But I do have to disagree with needing to forgive. I thought that cliche went out in the 80's. I am so fortunate that my therapist never pushed that, nor even suggested it. There were people in my group who had been stuck for years trying to forgive, They could even say the words, then feel suicidal, go home and cut themselves, feeling guilty, enraged, confused afterwards.
The therapist instead, helped lead us to a feeling of apathy. No longer wishing bad things on the attacker. No longer hating the attacker. Instead, it was just as if they were talking about a stranger in some distant land. To me, apathy is the best way to let go. Not some forced need to forgive. I will leave that to God, the Buddha, or whatever else is the final judge.
No matter what your choice, do what feels right for you, and know that you have people in your corner.