I know I try to be REALLY encouraging to a lot of you guys who write threads like this..I just want to be positive and help other people..but Im having a low moment and I really need help. Honestly..Im suicidal right now and it scares me. Not for myself but for my boyfriend, friends, and parents who love me. I care about them and dont want to die, but Im literally exhausted with this battle.

Ive had cystic Acne ever since I have been an adult. It got really bad when I went on the birth control pill. As a young adult I did plenty of abuse to my body..from bad diet and being on prescription medicine since I was 12 years old. Then got into drugs and alcohol and smoking at 18 and continue this bad lifestyle through age 24, when I really gave up alcohol, smoking, drugs, and started the bath to learning about better food. I also did my first Liver Flush at 24.

My first flush was amazing. My terrible cysts and other symptoms {depression, anxiety, feeling terrible, etc} immediately cleared up. I never felt more happy, hopeful, excited. I became super flusher, reading everything on here. But I noticed I felt congested after awhile and my Acne would start up again. I did more flushes and then a round of humaworm, and my Acne REALLY flared up during that cleanse. I kept trying to tell myself it was die off and it would get better. Around this time, I began an EXTREMELY stressful time in my life. For the past few months, my Depression and anxiety has come back full throttle. There has been a lot of stress and fighting between me and my boyfriend, over various life issues. Lots of big changes. I understand this would effect my acne, and it does. BUt the stress has calmed down and the acne is STILL there but WORSE than ever!

Changes Ive made are: Ive given up soy {used to eat a lot of tofu}, all dairy besides yogurt and a tiny bit of cottage cheese {I take with my efa's} here and there, all gluten and wheat products {this Ive only given up these past few days}, I eat mostly raw food, green smoothies, raw seeds {usually soaked or sprouted}some cooked vegetables, beans, rice, and a poached or hard boiled egg when I feel I need extra protien. Ive cut out almost all msg, trans fat, gluten, soy, etc etc. I feel like I keep cutting things out and its hard to eat enough in the day anymore, but Im pretty sure Im probably getting enough nutrition. I take essential fats, coconut oil, and a variety of vitamins and supplements.

So far Ive done 5 liver flushes, a kidney cleanse, numerous bowel cleanses, two full parasite cleanses, etc etc. Usually after the flushes, I would feel congested in my liver and have all the signs of being blocked agian {light colored stools, anxiety, etc}. BUt NOW, I have dark colored stools still, my liver doesnt feel blocked, and my skin is WORSE THAN ITS EVER BEEN. This absolutely kills me. I had an amazing flush three weeks ago, I got a huge stone out and bile flow was immediately improved.

Shouldnt this have HELPED my skin? Or do the toxins coming out last that long? I also should mention Ive been working out lightly this past week every day and this has changed my mental situation so much. No more Depression and stress is much less. The only Depression I have now is over how painful my skin is!

I also should mention that I also am flushing because I want help for my periods. I have horrible hormones, obviously, based on my skin. It flares TERRIBLY the two weeks before my period, but now the acne doesnt even go away after my period is over!

So my questions for you guys are {sorry this is so long}:

How long does a stressful time on the body take its toll on skin? Ive been feeling much less stressed for about a week now, are the cysts Im getting now still from the stress before?

If gluten was causing this, how long would I have to give it up before my skin starts healing?

And also, Ive done 5 flushes and Im worried they may be weaking my liver because it seemed like my liver was dealing with things better before. Or is it the stress that has weakened it? I dont know, but Im wondering if I should be doing herbal support in between flushes. I have some milk thistle and want to order some more herbs that are a blend of dandilion and some other liver herbs. Im just scared to take them because I dont want to make my liver or my acne worse. It seems like all the healing stuff I do just makes it continually worse.

I just need someone to point me in the right direction SO bad. Im terrified everything I do I may be doing the wrong thing. Like I said, Im suicidal. Every day of my life, every thought in my mind anymore is about my skin and whether Im hurting or helping it, and what to do about it. I understand this is not mentally healthy. But I CANT forget about it or accept it {and I know thats what I advise others, Im a hypocrite}, its severely physically painful and a constant reminder of its existance. I cant even kiss my boyfriend because of the cysts around my mouth. We havent kissed for weeks. I cant barely brush my hair because of the cysts on my scalp. Its really bad.

Soo..someone please help me. Is this just a part of healing? Or am I doing something wrong? I feel like Im wandering through a dark forest with a blindfold on and there are dangers everywhere. I could accept my skin for right now, if I knew that continued liver work and other healing regimens would eventually help. But Im terrified Im making it worse.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help. I feel I need another flush soon based on what came out last time but Im scared.