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In Denial . . . Am I really sick???
Should I blindly accept the diagnosis of CFS/Fibromyalgia?
Date: 12/30/2006 9:21:41 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 3764 times Okay, I woke up this morning with a bit of a different perspective on things. It's so easy to grab at whatever diagnosis is tossed your way, especially when you've been dragging your behind through life for so long. However, now I'm taking a step back, so to speak, just to reevaluate my 'diagnosis.'
First of all, I did the research into CFS on my own, and though the lights went on as I read the symptoms, and though I was excited to see there was an actual physiological cause for my ailments, I'm now second guessing things. For starters, it was me who brought the information to my doctor, and he readily agreed that CFS was the most likely reason for my ailments. Not only did he quickly agree, he also wrote out a prescription for Effexor, without blinking an eyelash . . . and regrettably, without discussing the side-effects, nor the severe and potentially life-threatening consequences for stopping the drug!
I've read horror stories about the drug, and its withdrawals are worse than heroine, according to almost all the personal accounts of those who've tried to come off the drug. The general consensus among the people who've been trying to get off of it, is that you NEVER CAN. Your brain acclimates to the drug so much so that the withdrawals are excruciating. No thank-you! I have enough addictions to deal with, eg., cigarettes and caffeine, that I don't need something 10 times worse to contend with.
Don't get me wrong, please. My doctor's a fantastic guy, who I respect and like a lot because of his down-to-earth, personable approach to dealing with patients. I wouldn't trade him in for anything, since I've been to so many 'unsympathetic' doctors to know that he's a keeper, as far as MDs go.
My concerns are many, though. Had I not brought the CFS possibility to his attention, would he have ever thought of it? I'm just not satisfied with such a 'pat' diagnosis, because I feel that other things were not sufficiently ruled out.
Also, I did a bit of research on things like adrenal fatigue and mercury poisoning and the symptoms are strikingly similar to those of CFS. Candida causes the same symptoms, too. The diagnosis of CFS and Fibromyalgia doesn't sit right with me, after giving it more thought-- stepping back from my emotional relief on finally having a diagnosis-- and looking at it from an objective point of view.
It's so easy to grab hold of whatever makes immediate sense, in this instant satisfaction society, however, I know for a fact that many of my depressions stem from dealing with constant trauma, since birth. I've had a horrendous childhood and many of the things I experienced still reak havoc with me today. I assume my body has been overloaded with stressors it never healed from before more stressors were inflicted, and therefore, the 'adrenal fatigue' idea rings a bell-- strikes a chord . . .
The point is, I don't feel right about blindly accepting such a diagnosis as CFS from a man who, though I love and respect, doesn't truly know me at all, nor my history. He is treating what he 'sees' and that's good, but what about the true causes of the 'visible' symptoms? They're ignored. They don't matter but they definitely should.
I'm taking my health into my own hands. This is my life, my body, my well-being here. I'm researching candida more deeply, as well as heavy metal poisoning, adrenal fatigue, etc., and won't accept the diagnosis of CFS, only because there are true causes for it that were never addressed before the diagnosis was confirmed.
I believe that mercury poisoning is at least half the problem, considering I had a whole mouth full of amalgam fillings by age 8 or 9. If I think hard, it would seem to be true that my severe mood swings and fatigue began as far back as that time, which would lead me to conclude that mercury has poisoned me.
I've read a little about heavy metal detox. It seems that a person with 8 amalgam fillings is in sad shape, indeed, according to research done since it was first discovered as a poison to the human body. The fillings release something like 120 mgs of mercury into your body every day, when you've got that many mercury fillings! That's scary! I've been slowly poisoned for 30 years of my life.
Thinking back to when my fatigue became unbearable . . . seems to correlate to when I had most of my amalgam fillings removed in 2004. They were removed by an every day dentist, with no special precautions taken to insure I didn't swallow any of the mercury . . . truth is, I remember swallowing a chunk of it, when the mercury was drilled out of my teeth. I don't know if that's the cause of the rapid spiral into the world of chronic fatigue and pain, fuzzy thinking, etc., or if it's a coincidence, but it's worth considering, imho.
I'd say my health is like a puzzle and until all the pieces fit together properly, and until I know in my heart that they're 'right' I can't just take whatever a doctor tells me, at face value. It's not that simple. The human 'being' is not that simple. I've dealt with most of my childhood garbage, so I think, at least on an emotional/spiritual level, but what about my body? I know that your body has 'memories' and certain things trigger stress responses; unseen things, that aren't immediately noticed. For instance, someone who's suffered physical abuse may suddenly react to a word or a 'look' that triggers a fight or flight response in the nervous system, even though there's no immediate threat to their body. But the body reacts because it remembers how that same word, or look, led to trauma, once upon a time. In my case, that makes a lot of sense. I find myself overreacting to certain things, and wondering 'why' that is, only to discover that my body remembers having to absorb and assimilate pain . . . that whatever triggered me to overreact, has to do with what happened to my body in the past.
Not to get too complicated, since I'd rather keep things as simple for myself as possible, in trying to get well, I honestly think that alot of my trouble stems from how my nervous system has learned to react to trauma and therefore, I need to relearn coping skills that are healthy for me.
Another thing: I'm an empathic person, who feels and absorbs everything from people and my surroundings. I can perceive what others are thinking, almost to the point of driving me crazy sometimes, because I know that what they're saying doesn't match what I'm picking up from their vibrations. I find it extremely difficult to be in a crowd of any kind, because I end up confused and anxious and feeling 'unwell.' I get headaches, I sweat . . . some call this 'social phobia,' which does seem to fit, however when a person's as open as I am and so easily absorbs energies, both positive and negative . . . I think I'm too empathic and that's the reason I get so easily drained by crowds, and in the company of most people. It's like I can really feel whatever they feel and can't tell sometimes, what is my own emotions, as opposed to something I've picked up from someone else.
It's confusing. Sometimes, I'll think of someone and just cry, for no apparent reason, only to find out later that they've been going through something terrible. How can I pick that up when I'm not even around them? I've been known to be 'psychic,' too, though I do hate that word. I've seen visions, had precognitive dreams, seen ghosts, a UFO, and experienced many supernatural phenomena over my life, so far, which leads me to think that aside from the physical problems, like mercury poisoning, maybe I'm being drained by something, or someone, on a spiritual level.
Not to sound 'hoky' . . . but we're not only our bodies. We're spirit, too. I need to find a way to first cleanse my entire system then keep it clean-- to protect myself, psychically as well. I've just overwhelmed myself by writing all this. Seems to be a daunting task ahead of me, and right now, I'm still so tired, I don't know how on earth I'll ever be able to do all that it's going to take to get myself well and whole.
One day, one moment at a time. For today, I'm going to relax and get some writing done-- I'm a writer and have a deadline to meet for my newest novel, though I've been so exhausted, I don't see how I'll ever meet it . . . but one day at a time.
Thanks so much for listening, and to all who've responded to my posts in such loving, helpful ways. It's very encouraging and I appreciate your support.
Sincerely,
Faran
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