Blog: What's Wrong With Me???
by Faran

Desperate Measures

diagnose me?

Date:   12/28/2006 11:39:14 PM   ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2135 times

Okay, so either I'm crazy or I'm just plain desperate to get some concrete answers. I actually went to and did the online health questionaire-- about 1,000 questions in total. Whenever there's more information required about something, there's more in depth questions provided about that particular thing. Of course, I didn't realize the results would cost me, until I'd already spent about 2 or 3 hours doing the questionaire . . . but crossed my toes and paid for a comprehensive report, which I haven't received yet. It takes about 4 business days for them to send it-- supposedly, a MD examines it all . . .

Well, I shouldn't say much more about it, since I haven't gotten it yet and don't know what it will contain, or even if it's worth the moola I forked out. :) But you never know. I read the testimonials of people who claim to have taken the test and bought the report and according to them, it's been a life-saver in many cases. All I know for sure is that I still don't feel well, though the supplements have been helpful in keeping me out of my bed for the past few days.

The 'results' will tell me the obvious-- gotta quit smoking, gotta get more exercise, change my diet, etc., and I will, but these problems have been part of my life since I was a kid, so I know there's gotta be something more going on. At any rate, no sense complaining anymore. I want to get better in every way and I've come to the conclusion that I'm the one who needs to take responsibility for a) my health and b) my health care. If I'm not satisfied with what the doctor says, it's not being rude or pushy to insist on more tests. I always feel like I'm bothering them, but really, if you think about it, they're actually my 'employees' and I'm their employer . . . that's how it works, isn't it? If they want me as a patient, then they have to do what I request for me, eg., take the tests I ask for, etc. I never thought of my health this way before, but my husband insisted I change the way I see the role of doctors, so I can get somewhere for a change.

My mother died of brain cancer. My sister died of leukemia. We don't know how long my mother had the brain tumor . . . put it this way, we never found out about it until she started having seizures and acting bizarre. The saddest part about her case is that she was absolutely misdiagnosed and put in a nuthouse! My grandmother and I went and rescued her from that place, not knowing what in the world was wrong with her, but knowing that she couldn't stay there. Very soon after, she had a major stroke and that's apparently when they finally discovered the huge tumor in her left temporal lobe. Am I supposed to believe that nobody did a cat scan before shoving her in the loony bin? She had 9 hour surgery to remove the tumor but two months later, she passed away anyhow. She was 39, only one year older than I am right now-- just turned 38 on Dec. 26. It's so hard to believe she died so close to my current age, considering that in spite of my failing health, I don't even feel 20 yet, let alone 38.

I guess I'm still angry about how badly my mother was treated. I was too young and dumb to do anything for her-- I thought she was just crazy . . . but she wasn't crazy at all. She was dying.

Sorry to bring all that up but it's something I needed to vent, I guess. Now that I've changed my attitude about the value of my own life, I'm not stopping until I find out what's wrong and find a way to cure myself. My mother's death haunts me to this day, primarily because she died without dignity. I'm not afraid to die-Life continues even when it stops . . . My sister appeared to me on three occassions after she died. Nobody can tell me her life ended when her body died. It continues. But while I'm here in body, it sure would be nice to get the most out of this world-- to enjoy it to the full and experience everything I want to experience, like travelling to Egypt and sky diving! You just haven't lived at all until you've thrown yourself from an airplane, or plunged to the bottom of the sea with an oxygen tank. That's what I wanna do. I don't want to be stuck in bed because my body and mind are too much of a mess to get out.

So I anxiously await that report! In the meantime, I'm seeing my doc tomorrow morning to discuss what I think is wrong-- CFS or candida, and ask him to run tests for candida to start with.

Thanks for listening,

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