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Morphine politics: I am being singled out again
Morphine prescribing is being restricted, who will pay the price
Date: 9/16/2007 10:22:31 AM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2105 times They are after me again!! - morphine politics and treachery in the street drug trade has come around to me again. I don't know for sure yet what brought it on, but there is so much weirdness that it cannot be 'what it seems'. As you likely know from this blog and so on, I am getting a morphine prescription for my chronic and acute pains that are not yet fully understood. I find it helps a great deal, and that I am thriving with it and a lump of agony without it.
After just 6 mos. with a new doctor, I am once again being asked to book extra time for a "complete physical exam" to determine my need for morphine, and if it turns out I actually do have chronic pain [that can be seen in a physical exam?] then the doc said we can switch to methadone [no thanks!! it is poisen and it is harder to quit than morphine]. This exact scenario is why I changed doctors 6 mos. ago... and I even told the new doc - when I was interviewing him before I switched - that if something is on my file, or if there is a report following me around, that he please be decent enough to tell me about it so I can defend myself.
The program I am talking about here is where doctors are being asked to look at all the non-cancer patients who recieve morphine prescriptions, and stop prescribing to the ones who do not really need it. Actually, they go so far as to say "ONLY cancer patients should be getting morphine now" - which is to ignore the fact that morphine and other opiate drugs are very usefull for controlling pain and that patients who are allready on it will have to get throught withdrawals, which would add to their pains.
Another wrinkle in the program is that many of the chronic pain patients have a hypersensitivity to pain, and the agony of withdrawal pains is likely felt much more stongly in those people, PLUS they are allready in pain which raises the sensitivity. Those factors are combined - chronic pains and withdrawal pains - and that is asking too much for any human to go through, akin to and possibly the equivalent of torture.
There are many factors in play here - a news story about a worldwide morphine shortage ; the "Harm Reduction" initiative where clean equiptment and so on is supplied for injection drugs users [which is supposed to be completely anonymous and that they will not share information with doctors or anyone else] ; other patients being vindictive against me personally ; doctors could actually be trying to find the most appropriate therapies for patients by scrutinising all the non-cancer patients who are given morphine [but I doubt that the most of all].
Furthermore, the reality of the local situation in this small town BC is that I am not the worst addict. I think anyone who reads this blog will see I have an interest in the human condition, and that I abhor anything that takes advantage or harms other people [I am kind and considerate]. I try to eat well, I exersize, and I take responsibility for my own health and well being. All that being said, I just mean that I am not the worst kind of addict. As for some of the other addicts - some of whom also get a prescription for morphine - they are the picture of down-and-out, they are abusive to themselves and others, they have a violent streak and do not hesitate to steal cheat lie and so on. They smell bad [sometimes I tell them so] and they do not clean their homes and they have a thousand scams to cheat others out of their drugs or money. Most importantly, for this issue, they will sell their prescriptions so they can buy 'meth' or cocaine, and they usually owe about half of their next prescriptions by the time a refill is due, so of course they run out of morphine every time, going into withdrawals and becoming a nuisance to others as they walk around in their agony and beg me and others for help. I truly feel sorry for them it is a case of not being able to control their impulses and, it is true, they are very much messed up by a childhood and an adulthood of violence, rape, poverty, and health issues.
Poor dumb fu*ks they are, but I cannot help feel both sorry and angry at them. Of the few I really got to know, they really do have severe problems that are not all their fault, but when I encourage them to try to be a little better at life, they are able to respond, and they thank me for it. One guy even works sometimes now, and tries to save some of his prescription "for tomorrow" so he does not run out. Ya ya, I sound like a preacher now, but I did help them and they are gratefull.
Compared to me, they do have some very real mental health problems that make life difficult, but as for actual PAIN, they do not have the level of physical pains that I do [waa waa waa, I know, I sound like a big baby, but it is a fact] and so therefore they do not really need morphine for PAIN, it is just a mental comfort. The kind of thing "the program" wants to stop prescribing for....
Why go after ME and not them??
Why am I being singled out? -
There was one of those down-and-out addicts who was angry with me for not loaning my prescription, and does go to the same doctor I do, so maybe he got vindictive and "ratted me out". I will face him with it later today.
There is this blog, "they" [authorities] could be following it and maybe I said too much....
There is the possibility that they are scrutinising everyone, and I intend to ask other patients who see my doctor if they are being asked to go through "the complete physical to dtermine the need for morphine".
There is the supposed shortage of morphine, but thats silly because the legal crops could be expaned to meet the shortage, and it has been suggested that they use the Afghan poppy crops for this purpose. I did ask my pharmicist if he had any shortage problems, and he said no, plus he said he has several sources and could just switch. Ok, no shortages.
So, I don't know why they have targetted me again, but I have the feeling it comes from the medical side, and they simply have my name on file and it follows me around even when I switch doctors. I am going to fight this one instead of switching doctors, and the way to do that best of all is to try to quit morphine and see if I can tolerate my chornic pain condition, and then I have nothing to fear by telling my doctor everything and asking him to tell me where this directive is coming from [like he promised when I interviewed him 6 months ago!!].
Wish me luck, the withdrawals are going to be hell...
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