I've been helping out with a week long music festival every day so late nights being a roadie helping a highly talented musician get to and set up for all the shows - tonight's the last one - and the next set of tradies aren't here until monday after that to keep working on the central heat we've never got to use.  It's freezing!  Should be summer and hot in Melbourne we're into December tomorrow but for some reason it's really cold and I'm rugged up in a warm jumper but it's not enough - fasting certainly does make you feel it.  Day 19 today of my fast - I've continued on consuming mainly milk, water, having cocoa a little coffee and some broth - my friend bought me a pho soup and I've had 2/3rds of the broth now with a cup of it left and a little tendon and meat which seems to have done absolute wonders for my tennis elbow - wasn't so easy eating just a tiny amount of solids - was ok but felt a little touch queasy and just had very small bits slowly - my tennis elbow imporved remarkably after eating a few pieces of cooked tendon each day however - it feels so much better - it's really finally turned a corner after months of it being quite bad - what a relief & testament to my friend's advice that if you've got an injured area in the body, to follow the chinese practice of eating whatever it is that needs repair - it really noticibly worked.  

Well - I'm feeling mostly good - I need ore rest and exercise and a warmer environment, my tenants are not paying me and there are some stresses at work with money being tight and things I'm working through - prople being absolute dropkicks basically and sponging off me heaps not being responsible, it's frustrating - I really can't wait to be done this role and signed and doing music full time.  I have well and truly paid my dues and it's been a long time coming - looking forward to band practice friday immensly.  

I am tossing up the idea of shifting the 2 flatmates here who are exhibiting the biggest issues in their functionality depression and responsibility - one of them is a very bright talented msician who shouldn't be wasting himself on meth, alcohol and every other substance he can get his hands on, he's like a little brother to me but I'm getting to the end of my patience with how loose he's being and the bad energy we all feel having him here when he's in that place - I might just move him to the harder house with the other young guy who is also alcoholic not working depressed and sliding - I don't think they'll be great influences on that house either but they pay the rent - I'm not sure, they might make more mess there and cause issues and probably get into worse behavior in that house - it's kind of a tough decision I'm trying to work through & I don't have long to make it.  

My fast is going well - I'd like some more quiet time and less of all this stress with tradies all over my house turning the power off and banging and drilling and eating into my week for days, argumentitive difficult landlords & owners, an office I can't use, a freezing house that feels like a worksite, a sink full of my slack flatmates mess and the whole kitchen messy every day despite repeated talks and requests he clean up after himself while I'm fasting and in the middle of helping with a massive music festival and not home till 1am every night.... sigh..... my Buddhist teacher counselled us to accept the conditions and ongoing bullshit in the degenerate age so as not to become suprised or stressed by it - "Its not ideal" he said - indicating that those times we used to strive for the ideal are not here at present - things are not as they once were.  For me, I do wish to carve my way away from the crowds and the masses and work toward a time when I can be out of sharehouses and managing and living in them being forced to clean up peoples slack mess to even prep my own food in the beautiful houses I get and make for them.  It's been 30 years of this for me - picking up the slack and being ripped off more times than I could count - I've come to accept that as a way of life long ago after covid though its a constant theme amped up many times over and chasing all these adult babies for their rent money etc is a supreme drag.  

I haven't touched painkillers since I kicked them on retreat in the country, I feel like having some - haven't all this time until last night - it got to me being sleep deprived, cold, money deprived by all these people, and having no space in my own house while tradies crawled over every inch of it - the soundtrack as I write is more drills and guys talking,  I might be in bed keeping warm but they're working in my room as well, yesterday was hard to even make a cuppa or grab a shower as they had the power off and doing works in those areas all day long.  So the theme is irresponsibility - from the landlords and owners who knowingly moved us into a house that looked great where everything was broken and deceived and gaslit us - I had to fight tooth and nail with them for weeks to get a week discount on the 2 months rent and things repaired properly which is only half way finished.  I had to threaten them in the end before they gave me any consideration and one weeks rent chucked in is pretty tiny considering.  Then all the tenants, right now I manage three houses I paid for, set up and keep full - so all up, including myself there are 9 in one house, 7 here, and 5 at the other place with 2 rooms that just emptied out I need people in asap - of these 21 people - 1 is more than 4 months behind which, 1 2 months behind and 2 more all these at the same house - 1 hasn't paid me a cent and the other does pay me but needs to and is a few days behind with no ETA.  I have to pay for that house so not sure how they expect me to - I also have to cover the bills, so the guy not paying me is currently basically eating up all the money I work for and he's a massive guy with 2 bulldogs who's lived with me for years who has just got more and more irresponsible this year and not paying - not easy to talk to and anyway, I contacted his mother who is going to help when she can and going back to work after pancreatic cancer the poor thing, but in the meantime it leaves me scraping to try and keep afloat and cover all this - there's a group attitude over there that since some people aren't paying why should others and it seems to be a growing strangeness - basically 4 adults expecting me to somehow cover their living expenses??  Then there are people a little behind at the 1st house - one girl who is normally very good just hasn't replied to me at all re. why her rent hasn't gone in and then one of my flatmates also who normally pays on time - then Christmas around the corner which is always the month people mess up their rent the most - so its not good.  I should be making a living not all these people sponging my hard work and efforts up.  I'm pretty pissed off.  

So this is the ongoing crap I deal with - just a touch of it really - to make it in the music industry.  I could tell stories for weeks.  I'll make it all work - it just makes me really angry and disappointed in people.  I'm pretty hardened to that really - my friend said it made him sad to see the state all these adults were in - that they lose their ethics and functionality and are all so disabled - which is true, and that the services industry makes money off them and preys on social dysfunction & I said yes, the system creates this - they'll start handing out universal basic income soon - the 1% want a shut down society of people who need handouts and medication its pretty clear what's being created.  I need to change crowds badly.  Not so easily done though - poverty seems to show itself more clearly than ever after all these covid battles and the cracks in things that has made.  So on one hand I'm working on leaning up and getting youthful and keeping in the game of sex appeal while I move toward a show biz opportunity and while I'm balancing that I'm living in this environment - it's not peaceful and spacious and what I need to thrive - a warm house with peace where I have time and spaciousness to get into my practice and yoga and exercise and get fit which takes time and energy and not being stressed and beset upon by everyone else's money and cleanliness problems and the owners lack of responsibility at providing a functional house we pay heaps for etc.  So all these slack people basically chewing into my every day's existence and me trying to find moments and pockets within all that bullshit where I can work on my own stuff - this is my city life.  In the midst of that there is amazing stuff, working with world class musicians and actual rockstars, doing festivals, meeting people who are touring globally, getting beautiful houses, organising tours for luminaries and being friends with them -- running our arts org 

I'm looking forward to getting back to the country again but not sure when that will be mainly because of this money bullshit partly because of the repair bullshit.  Its not fair that all these people never give me any peace and won't be responsible - I am really angry tbh.  "Knowing the world is a sinking ship... knowing we won't get too far.... knowing when cars go under water a vacuum seals the door..."  great Alex Cameron lines from the concert the other night... meeting him in his graceful swagger and buttersoft leather pants was dreamy as... thank god there are stll people like that - had a great night hanging out with him and Sean Savage and their band of gypsies touring the world keeping the dream and romance in it...  

Things should quiet down the next few days, I will scrape out enough to scrape by and keep the roof over everyone and bills paid JUST!  just not happy that these dropkicks are making it so hard for me and eating into all my work - I should have some money for myself and not be getting sucked dry by these irresponsible a**holes.  Its really putrid.  It's a difficult time of year and problem and not quite sure how I will pull them into line, getting Wills mother on board was good - I think I need to do a lot of Buddhist practice to transform this and deal with Will he is the biggest problem of the lot and they're all following him - I have to give him an ultimatum and either drop that house and let him take it over - I don't want him draining my money energy and living off me like this and encouraging his crowd to.  I might sign the lease over and pull out of that place its too draining if they are not paying up.  Sorry to write about all this - I hope I write about the fast more next time I guess I am just journalising and weighing up the ballast.  

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