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Day 2 Why I have envied the sick and dying
description of symptoms of metabolism adjusting, reflection on purpose of illness, relationship between stress, relaxation and being present.
Date: 1/9/2014 6:15:59 PM ( 11 y ) ... viewed 1281 times End of day 2 of the Master Cleanse
Getting used to the shift in my metabolism. Time to sense and observe my body. Some things are familiar from previous times:
Like the feeling of heat in my heart and solar plexus that comes from swallowing cayenne (Cayenne acts to stimulate/regulate the heart function in metabolic rhythm- why its in the lemonade)
Like the fast shift from a low energy moment or thirsty moment to lost concentration to tiredness and sleep. I have to drink lemonade straight away when those lows hit, there's nothing in my stomach to fall back on.
Like the drawing-out feeling I get in my legs as something is being leached out of them on a cellular level - surely too early for the body repair and detox function to start as it does when it gets a break from digestion?
Today I scheduled NOTHING. And this afternoon I lay on my bed, put down my study book and just lay and felt myself breathing in and out, felt my warm legs and relished my deep breath and RELAXED
and just enjoyed being me in my body.
This was a new feeling. When I have done this cleanse before, it has always been part of a drive to fix, restore, improve, to make up for failed effort or lost time.
In fact, in that drive, I have actually envied the gravely ill - having much contact with "them" - believing every time I met an ill person that her was someone to whom life had brought the ultimate incentive to fully claim their life and resolve all the personal loose ends - here was the level of motivation even someone as hopeless as me could not ignore - the thing that unlocks whatever the response is that I (we) can't find that makes us take hold of the life we have with both hands.
I realise how terrible that must sound to anyone reading this who has an illness, and how blind that view is to the painful restrictive realities. Sorry.
Nonetheless, I believe it is true that the most empowering way to view an illness is as a call-to-arms and an opportunity to prioritise agendas neccessary for health and joy that otherwise get sacrificed to daily survival. My instinct is this may well be objective truth as well as an attitude.
But today I lay and enjoyed my whole, pain free body, my deep, calm breathing, and felt the deep silence open out around me and realised THIS makes me joyful. Being quiet. Being slow, coming off the to-do list. I can't remember the last time I wasn't in a state of stress about my to-do list. And when I am in that state, I am not present.
I know how to be present. I had forgotten how much I like it.
I had forgotten to be kind to myself.
Today I'm remembering.
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