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Day 8 & 9- June 17,18, 2010
My daily diary of my fasting journey
Date: 6/18/2010 9:42:42 AM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 1658 times Ta-DA! I am back. I had to take a day off of posting because I was in Pataskala with my Gramdma Mert, and My mother who is moving to Michigan. There were no wireless hot spots where my grandma lived so I couldn't update. But I am doing great!
It was very hard, because my mother was trying to get me to eat several times. Late Wednesday I just didn't go with my Grandma and my mother for dinner. I pled a sour stomach, which I had. The next morning wasn't as easy, I went with them and I told them food just turned my stomach so badly, which it has been. Sometimes watching people eat just makes me want to gag. We went to a little cafe place called the Christian Cafe, which I enjoyed looking at all the books and trinkets they sold. They even played some good Christian music too. My mother order and Judah which the cafe called a converted Ruben. LOL I love Rubens, and it looked soooooOooo good, but the smell of the meat and the thousand Island dressing really turned my stomach I had to walk away from the table momentarily. At the urging of my mother, because she was getting concerned due to my ending relationships with P. that I was just grieving, which I am, convinced me to have a cup of tea. It was a hot tea and the flavor was White pear. I stirred it a lot, drank some of my water, stirred my tea again and only between a 20 minute period, I took 4 tiny sips so it looked like I was doing something with it. When we left, she said "You didn't drink your tea! You love tea! Awwwww,honey you need to eat something." I felt really horrible disappointing my mother like that. I already have issues with being a good daugther in my mother's eyes and the first time she sees me in years, I disappointed her. I just wanted to cry.
My mother wouldn't stop suggesting to me: have a banana, have a yogurt, have some soup, have a piece of toast, have some orange juice. The list was endless with my mother. In my family, if you are upset, you eat. I don't know how many times my mother would feed me with I was upset about something. In our family, food is comfort food. That is why all my aunts and my mother are heavy. I have been very good at living a healthy lifestyle and not letting food get the best of me. I am also very proud of myself because I was able to dodge, dart and weave away from possible eating situations around my mother, which is not always easy!
I didn't get to weigh my self yesterday, but felt thinner, regardless that I still have a huge lump of fat in my mid-section. I have also noticed that when I sleep on stomach or on my back, I swear I can feel my organs like my stomach, my intestines, my liver my kidneys and my heart, which I lay the still. I can just feel that things are working. I guess that is why I a bit uncomfortable at times when I am trying to sleep. My sleep has not be good at all. I can't get comfortable and if I do sleep, I wake back up for some reason. It is like my body is running full speed and it is preventing me from sleep well. I know when you fast, the liver kicks in to full gear around 2 or 3 in the morning, but it keeps me awake, and I want to sleep!
I weighed myself this morning when I got home. I am now 135 pounds! Wow that is amazing! That makes 15 pounds in a 9 days. My fingers, my face and feet are thinner. I have noticed that my upper thighs are whittling out the fat. They are becoming more firm. My back is also become fat free was well. Of course, I think I have the system down now. Soon fat will be whittled from my upper arms, and still from my upper thighs. The last place fat will really come off is my mid-section.
Wednesday, I was seriously thinking about what I was going to do once my fast is over. I gave it some serious thought and I am going to just juice for as long as it takes until my body is used to introducing solid foods again. They I think the next step with be juicer made soups, will a little bit of pulp and move on to mushier, but health stuff. I really don't want to shock my body with eating again.
I am having to brush my teeth several times a day now, because the coating of my tongue is horrible and makes me gag. I have also used some mouth wash to help with it too. Man, the mouth is a nasty place!
My sense of smell is still outrageous! Driving down the highway, I can smell the wild onions growing some where!LOL I am really affected by smells that were never very clear to me before like people's personal scents, pollution like car exhaust. I was putting some petrol in my car the other day and it almost made me gag right there by my car. It was horrible! It is such a nasty smell!
Wednesday I walked 3.25 miles and Thursday I walked 4.53 miles. I find myself walking a bit more and more every day. Which is really good.
I am still feeling a little bit ill at times, but when I brush my teeth and then drink some water I feel a bit better. I am seriously thinking about giving myself an enema tonight just to get the junk that I might still have in my body. I know in the past when I have fasted, when I do so, I feel so much better to get that toxic stuff out of my body. I know a lot of people say not to, but if it helps you feel better with a fast, and the detoxing symptoms less, why not? There is something in my body that still feels toxic and I do want to release it. And since I haven't have a BM since I think Sunday, the toxins have been building since then. I could only help me at this point.
I had a huge blemish pop up right below my neck which I can't hide. It was looking at me like some horrible other living organism on my body, just eyeballing me. It was creepy and ugly until I got rid of it. I haven't have any others pop up any other place on my body but that one. Thank you Lord. :o)
I have been praying a lot at night and listening to Psalms on my MP3 player at night, as I fall asleep.
I broke down a couple times during the last two days, and text-ed P. and told him I missed him and I hoped he was doing well. He fired back at me, asking me if I was just saying that because it was expected. I couldn't believe that he would think I was that “fake” and would just say something like that because it is expected. I say it because I feel it. Oh well. He will never see how much I have loved him and so much more I could have shared with him if he would have only let me in once in a while. I know we all have our own personal stone walls that we keep up to protect use from others, but at times you have to let them down, when they are too high for those that care about you to climb.
I am done posting for now. I am getting a little nauseous. I think I get more nauseous when I am sitting. I have also noticed that I have a lot of nervous energy, which I am tapping, or pacing when I am not feeling that great, because I rather be laying down. I don't know. I just know it comes and goes right now and depending where I am when it hits, it isn't always easy to deal with it.
I am doing well, and moving forward with strength.
:o)
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