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Day 7 - June 16, 2010
My daily diary of my fasting journey
Date: 6/16/2010 3:36:32 PM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 2548 times I was not active at all yesterday. My heart was not in it at all. My fast has been hard for me, as I am detoxing slowly, so I kind of feel horrible and then P. drops a bomb on me while I am at work. He texts me and says he is going to be out of town for a couple days and will probably be back on Sunday. It made me very nervous and emotional, because it is getting closer and closer to him leaving, which I can find a way to prepare for.
I felt so drained, a bit nauseous when I got home and then finding that he took almost all the things he owned with him, made my system feel even worse then it was. It was a bad bad night for me. I didn't drink a whole lot of water when I was awake. I took a shower thinking it would help relax my body some, but I ended up crying, and gagging to a point I threw up the water I had in my stomach. I was tired but I tossed and turned all night and woke up every hour and then tried to sleep again. I prayed to God several times hoping that somehow I could be spared this pain in my heart, but I know it is my burden to bear since it was my decision to have P. in my life.
The worse thing last night was I had hiccups several times last night which unsettling for me due to my sometimes queasy stomach. I am still having them once in a while. I wonder why. I don't like them because they cause the stomach acid to lurch up and I get the feeling of having heartburn.
I have had some mucus drainage from my sinuses cavity into my throat which is nasty. It isn't constant, but it is annoying since I already have other things to make me nauseous.
My urine smells horrible and is frothy, which means there are proteins in it. My ketones are still at a high level of 80. I am not feeling a nauseous as I was a couple days ago. I really have been taking in a easy and taking everything very slow.
I still have a uneasy feeling in my middle when I am sitting, but that might be because I have gain some weight there I never had before, and it is getting in the way when I sit. I never noticed it before, because my mind was on other things, but since I am on a fast, I tend to monitor everything that is going on with my body. Little aches and pains and I try to figure out why.
I have noticed that my pants a bit looser and getting a bit baggy on me. My face is chiseling out, so you can see my cheek bones better. My neck looks slimmer and more elegant. I have noticed that my calves seem to be more defined then they were, but my arms, thighs and midsection has no change that I can see of. But just wait, I am sure something will happen sooner or later if I prolong my fast.
I noticed one blemish on my back. I was wondering if it was just a precursory on what is to come. Yuck, I had this part of the detox. I won't be able to wear any spaghetti strap shirts in the hot weather.
I have been drained of energy most of the day, but I have made an effort to do things because I really have no choice. I am just so stressed out with my life at this point in time, I don't know how I am keeping up with this fast. I have the chance to go see my mother who will be in Pataskala one day before she journey's on to Michigan with my Uhaul truck. My mother stresses me out because I never live up to expectations. And she will probably try to coddle me regarding P. and make me eat. The woman is over 200 lbs which is severely overweight for her height of 5”5'. My mother eats very unhealthy so I really don't want to be around that right at the moment. She is an emotional eater and I have done so off and on in the past, but curbed it when I realized what I am doing. Plus I am so afraid P. will come back to get the rest of his stuff from my home when I am not there, without saying goodbye or anything. I am so afraid that I won't be able to say goodbye to him. That he will just sneak out of my life no matter that I supported him and his son for 10 months. :o( I hate my life at this point in time.
Trying to be positive and see the good in everything, but it is hard at this time. I must just be having a really bad day. Sigh. . .
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