Day 12 by Sacristia Blog entry

Blog: Walking with God with my Fast
by Sacristia

Day 12

Day 12 - A day of food offering incidents, alot of exercise, some tears, a revelation, and a stronger brick in the wall of my faith.

Date: 3/8/2009 2:20:54 PM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 1656 times

Sigh,

The day yesterday was very busy. I went and met a good old friend to talk about heart brokeness with the hopes of comforting each other with our hurts. We talked a bit about it. I think I talked about K. a bit more then then did, but I had a lot of good memories to share that was hard for me to deal with. It was very sad to hear about how lost a pregnant girl friend to death and her baby, which wasn't his but he was accepting it as his. Mostly we walked about the state of the world and the decidence of the world that is warping all morals all people, except for those that are strong enough to fight it.

well, we walked around the mall over and over again, so I think he walked at least a couple miles and drank a lot of water. He was hungry so stopped and bought some homemade blueberry muffins. They had raspberry ones and blueberry. It was funny, cause he said Raspberrys are good for the blood, I then told him the blueberries are good for the heart, so he got them, 4 of them that were in the box. Of course he offered me one. I told him I gave up that stuff for the Lenten season. He said " this is good for you." I told him I know, but I will pass, sorry. They did smell good, as he ate one when we walked on.

Aftewards, I bought some new Christian CDs to listen to so to keep me positive. I talked to another friend and I went over there and hung out. Of course, when I got there, his 5 year old daughter was serving me up pretend food from her resturant, so I could order anything. First she served me lemonade and macoroni and cheese. what a combination! LOL Then meatloaf and shrimp. LOL Then she gave me a menu so then I orded Mushrooms, black olives, eggs and toast, per her explaination on what was on the menu since it was a Hannah Montana book. She then promptly came back to me an told me that where wasn't any black olives, they gotten eaten. I looked at her and she said that the cook did it. And I just started laughing so hard, when she said " I am so firing that guy that eats all the black olives." LOL! I hadn't laughed like that in a long time, it seemed, but it was so funny, I actually twittered it.

Later on, she talked about going to Golden Corral, which I love to eat at. Her father said, if you ask her to come with us, then we will go. My heart sank at the thought. But He knew I had to go to Bible study and service started at 5:00 so I couldn't. I stuck to that. But it was so very hard, because he said to his daughter Kaitlyn if she asked me nicely, I might change my mind. And she turned to me and asked me so nicely, and I had to tell her I had go to church. It really broke my heart in many ways, because she could have been my daughter. Her father was my first boyfriend and we have always remained good friends. He knows I am really grieving over K and his son. He even suggested that I could make cookies with his daugther after church, maybe spending time with another child might help my heart some. I almost lost it and started crying, because I made cookies with B, and it was one of the happiest days I had with the both of them.

Well he had a bowl of homemade chill and I declined, but asked what was in it. He was always a good cook. He tried to get me to taste it, and held up a spoon and I backed away and said no. It was funny, because his daughter said "run" I just laughed and gave her a thumbs up. Later on she did give me a piece of wrapped sugarless gum that I saved so I might chew it later when I am off my fast, just because she gave it to me.

I went to Bible study and service. There is always a dinner afterwards, and I decided to stay and socialize a bit, but not eat. A couple people asked me why I wasn't eating. I told them I wasn't feeling good and of course, I had a migraine headache for the last 2 days and now it was just a dull throb. I got a cold pack for my head now so if that happens again, I can deal with it better. Crying doesn't help it much though. It was funny because the Pastor is on a special diet because the doctor said he needed to change his eating habits. He had a bowl of steamed veggies and a salad, and boy did that look and smell so good. Everyone else had beef and noodles and mash potatos and peas. He said he was eating food's food. I just laughed and said "Rabbit food" I told him just see it as if he was on a Daniel fast. :o) I talked at length about eating healthy and how most of the foods that the store put out there are bad for us. That going with just fruits and veggies and cooking chicken and fish would be healthier for you in the long run, then the fast way or just making something out of box or getting at a fast food resturant. I told them that the body can heal alot of things but if you keep put unhealth things in it, it gets overwhelmed and your body breaks down like your heart and such, because it can't expell the bad stuff and it doesn't have time to repair and throw out the bad stuff. It is like having too much garbage to clear out and throw out, so the workers get exshausted and/or give up. I reminded them. God said our body is a temple and we should treat it well, as we would the santuary in the other room. It is where Jesus houses himself spiritual within us. In order to allow Him to work within us, we must be health and of sound mind, and of course, focused on God.

Wow, I was suprized what I said, since I am the one struggling with my faith. Of course, I had a revelation during the singing of "Shout to the Lord" I could feel God with me. And then I got upset and cried a bit, and prayed for K. as we used to worship together and the loss of him walking away from God has been very great for me as well as him not talkig to me anymore. Noting silence or ignorance, as if I was dead, and it feels like he has died, and I lost him. God is so wonderful and merciful and I know I will survive, but it is so very hard, when I don't understand why and I don't have some kind of closure. I just have to rebuild my faith and hope that God will show me the way to go now.

Well, I got out of several incidents that I was offered food and I was successful in being strong. I wasn't hungry at all, but the food smelled so good and looked so appitizing. LOL. My food was water all day. I have to say that I had to have drank a gallon of water or more, because I was out and about all day. I drank at least 3 large bottles of water, which I think were over a pint and half, plus at least four 20 ounces ones, but I felt great. No nausousness at all. I loved that.

I have noticed a couple blemished on my back but nothing major yet. Ugh! I have noticed a spot on my right leg, but I looked closer to see it was a couple ingrown type of hairs from shaving.

I have noticed just on Thursday or Friday that sometimes under my arm on my left side aches a bit, and I know a person have lymph nodes there so I am monitoring it to see if it continues. I know those are nothing to ignore and stuff.

I looked in the mirror today and noticed that my right cheek bone on my face it standing out very prominately so the fat on my face has gotten to the point to reveal my Indian heritage, which I am very proud of.

I weighed myself and I have lost some more. I weigh now 115 lbs which is the loss of 10 pound in 12 days. I have to be careful. I don't want to lose too much. I was 125 at the begining and I still have a way to go.

I have had a lot of energy and sometimes it is hard to get to sleep at times until I go to bed really late which doesn't always work with having to get up for work in the morning. The one thing I have noticed at when I get up in the morning, I am very off balance and I have problems with walking straight or problems without almost crashing into my closet or the door as I try to walk to the bathroom. I can't remember if I had that problem before with previous fasts.

I still haven't found any of my fasting books, which really reeks! that is the major issue with having so many darn books! So many to go through since I don't have a system for them yet and they are not all in my guest room set up as the library which was the goal that I desired for. I do have a fasting binder somewhere that I printed off online regarding fasting information and the recipes for coming off a long or short fast as well. I might be lucky finding that first then the books. LOL.

I am still going strong and feeling very good. I hope everyone else that is fasting is doing well too. You can do it. Keep it up. Your health is at stake. :o)