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Eric B
6 y
1,866
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Eric B
6 y
1,805
Well, dear ones, this is my very first video on my youtube channel. I can't figure out how to embed it, so this is the link. I will be covering all sorts of topics in future videos, involving narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, and how we can heal from the trauma we have undergone.
Oh, this video is a bit dark, but I will fix that in future videos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_jvn0UqfdA
Love to all,
Luella
xo
Have you read both my blogs and watched my video? By the way, from my research that has been in depth, only a narcissist will call someone else a narcissist, but don't take offense.
I am not going to defend myself and I am not going to explain why I don't show any "wounds" when I write but, if you saw my video, I do show them and describe them.
And, by the way, in other venues, I have gotten comments from victims of narcissistic abuse that I am "spot on."
If you would like to contribute as to what you have gone through, as a victim of a narcissist, I invite you to do that.
My Best,
Luella
HAHAHAHA! Actually, I've gone through all those stages, especially the............. How could I have been so stupid phase.
Actually, Vulcanel, you are brilliant with the way you have dissected this. But we'll have to agree to disagree on the healing part. Some people can go through those phases and then heal on their own. But, some people can't and they develop anxiety, PTSD, or other conditions that are quite complex. And they cannot get over it on their own. They need help. Now, keep in mind, I am not this help they need. I'm here for support and guide them on what steps they need to take, or who they need to see, to help them heal, and this can take time.
Now, as for the victim and crybaby mentality.................. Maybe some people that don't want to move on, but not in every case. These people are hurting and they possibly have no support. They need to hear someone talk to them and reead about it, so they have an aha moment. Understanding brings knowledge, and with that, you can heal. If you don't know which way is up and you are emotionally and mentally wounded, you can't heal. So all people are different. For example, I had my aha moment watching a random video and then I buried myself in research. And, research from the point of psychology,.
So, Vulcanel, in some areas we agree, but in some areas, we will have to agree to disagree.
Thanks for your input.
Luella
LuellaMay
6 y
1,105
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), also diagnosed as Anti-Social Behavior and Anti-Social Personality Disorder, entails a long term pattern of abnormal behavior where the person exhibits exaggerated feelings of self-importance, excessive need for admiration, and lack of empathy for others. Read More.
Oh, Dearest Trapper,
Me too. And that is why I am starting a blog and a youtube channel on the subject. In fact, I'm going to put up my first video on this forum in a short while. I am doing this on other venues too, I want to get the word out. Actually, I found out that I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse my entire life through a random video that came up. Actually, I kind of went into shock for about two days.
As to your question......... Why have you been always drawn to narcissist? Because you're probably an empath, just like me. And empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other like magnets. The only way to avoid a narcissist is to set boundaries. The minute a boundary is crossed, or you feel like you're focusing on making that other person happy, or being perfect for them, watch out. You are probably being sucked into a narcissistic relationship........... Again.
In spite of knowing all there is to know about narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, if you do not have boundaries set up, you are going to slip into their clutches. And that is because they are so believable......... So smooth, and it's easy to fall into that trap. So, boundaries are the only way.
Lastly, be good to yourself and focus on you, because, my friend, you have gone through mental and emotional trauma. Over and over again.
My best to you Trapper,
Luella
Eric B
6 y
1,596
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Eric B
6 y
1,424
RN Educational Eric B
6 y
2,675
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Eric B
6 y
2,540
Eric B
6 y
2,219
Eric B
6 y
2,483
First of all, I could not get through your volumes of concerns. It's too long for one post, and this tells me a couple of very important facts about your situation. You are very upset, very afraid, and working like a fiend to keep this ill-fated marriage together. This also tells me that you would benefit from some individual counseling therapy and, perhaps, separate from your spouse while you sort some of this out for yourself. What he does, what his family does, what his friends do.....you do not have control over any of this. You only have control over your own choices and decisions, and making a wise decision and choice requires heavy duty contemplation, not knee jerk emotions. In other words, what we feel is not what "is." What "is" doesn't involve feelings or emotions - it just "is." And, it "is" a fact that you cannot manage this dysfunctional family. You can only manage yourself, bottom line.
You feel obligated to make the world a good place for this man - to make up for his family dysfunction so, in due time, he will trust you, love you, and appreciate everything that you do and sacrifice for him. In return, he will stop behaving badly, stand up against his dysfunctional family, and finally become the man that you know he can be. This will never, ever happen.
If he is not being honest in therapy, he's not going to be honest in recovering, and he isn't honest or truthful with you in daily life, either. Yeah, you're married and you had a wedding and all of that, but you are young enough to learn from this decision, sort yourself out for a couple of years, and try, again. What you thought isn't what "is."
Nobody has the power or control to make a tin can turn into a fluffy kitten, and this guy is bad news. His family is bad news. I was married to someone that seemed different from his family and I made myself believe that he was a great fellow. He was a very, very bad man and I'm not going into what he did in this post. The point I'm trying to make is that we often will try to make something fit into our systems of beliefs and values when whatever it is clearly cannot and will not. This fellow will not turn out the way you're expecting him to.
Good luck to you.
Eric B
7 y
639
† C †
Domino, I didn't read your entire post, but I "get it" about this family. Because I didn't read the entire post, I'm unclear as to whether or not this "family" is cohabitating in this run-down house that you were pressured into buying, or if there are children as a result of your marriage.
I can't (and, won't) tell you what to do - you've engaged in counseling to save your marriage, but this marriage is doomed, regardless of how much counseling you've engaged in with your husband. He is allowing this abuse, and you clearly have a choice before you: stay and manage this misery until such time as your husband (and/or his family) calls it quits, or get the hell out and recover from these experiences before you get involved in an extramarital affair or choose another narcissist. That's it.
If there are children as a result of this marriage, you have my most heartfelt pity because those children will (without fail) be raised to become perfect narcissists, themselves, or perfect victims.
From my personal experiences, my own past issues (from early childhood, on) are directly related to the sociopaths that I ended up marrying during the past 30 years. The first one was abusive on every level, and the second one was a seemingly benign predator that married me for my money and maintained a deviant, violent sexua| "double-life" that was exposed over a year ago. The financial frauds that the second exspath included coercion, forgeries, and raiding of my private investments. Because I did not understand myself, first, I did not understand the set up and long-con of this second exspath which has resulted in life being utterly destroyed. Financially, spiritually, sexually, emotionally, and physically, I was left completely dismantled.
Having typed that, this whole-self devastation has resulted in my determination to learn from these experiences and to educate others about what sociopathy is, who a sociopath might be, and how to protect one's Self (Self = soul) from experiencing the same devastation that I have. This is my opportunity to learn about boundaries and construct them. This is also my opportunity to recognize that I do not (do not) have to tolerate anyone's "bad behaviors" because I crave approval and acceptance. I am learning to validate myself so that I can choose whether or not to "trust" another human being. I do not "feel" obligated to tolerate any type of behavior that I find inappropriate, distasteful, dishonest, or harmful to me or others. Although I'm recovering and I'll be okay, in due time, I would not wish my experiences upon another human being, even the predatory exspath that destroyed my life.
The family dynamics of your husband echoes that of the second predatory exspath, and these dynamics will never, ever, EVER change. Certainly, there is an "environmental" influence, but there are also questions about the role that genetics plays in sociopathic tendencies. Some of the behaviors and actions that you're describing are hard-core sociopathic tendencies, and there is no "safe" or "successful" method of managing these tendencies. Sociopathy cannot be medicated, surgically removed, counseled away, or spiritually zapped. It is a lifelong and terminal disorder that results in damages, across the boards.
Visit the following website to learn more about sociopathy and recovery: www.lovefraud.com
I wish you the very best.
EDIT ADD: Domino, I went back and read over your post and it seems that you did not produce children within this marriage. A very wise decision. But, what I also am reading is that you believe that the marriage is "strong" and that you will "make it work." I would urge you to visit the website that I posted, above, and learn more about your situation. The marriage isn't "strong," by any stretch of the imagination, and the only thing that seems to be "working" in overdrive is the blatant abuse that you're enduring and tolerating to please the husband and his family.
There are very few things in this lifetime that are a certainty. But, what is vital for you to accept is that, the more years that go by, the more damages you will suffer regardless of whom is perpetrating the damages. The family dynamics that you're describing are almost carbon-copied of the ones that I experienced with the second exspath, and these people (and, their son) are never, ever going to change.
Again, my most sincere best wishes to you.
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