Re: Knows

I think you hit it right on the head. "They" chose me. Saw an easy mark and went for it. The first one, way back when, I chose, well, we chose each other, and it worked great. It was one of those Love at first sight things for both of us. The first time we met the air was thick with it. We both knew it. Sparks were flying. Thus being "in love" as compared to regular loving. There is a difference. Been looking for that ever since and have been too sick to find it.

Being that sick makes you very introverted. The rest of the world just doesn't matter. You're dying and you know you are so you keep your eye on yourself and don't dare look at the rest of the world. "they" chose me. I wasn't capable to chose. All my energy was being spent keeping this body alive.

When that all ended in August 05 it took some getting used to. I could now see and participate in the world again. And sure enough 6 months later all the realtionship stuff surfaced. "She doesn't really love me". A couple of people told me that back in 99 when I met her, (they said she just wanted to be taken care of) but now I could see it. So I've just been biding my time since then.

She's very benign, can't really think for herself and sets new records for lazyness. She's sick most of the time so it IS coming back on her. (Overt act/withhold).

As it stands right now I've been on fire since Aug. 05. Wrote a couple of books, put the Natural Healing Paradigm together, have done some radio and TV and am in the process of putting a one hour radio program together this Fall on the local talk radio show. Grand Rapids, Michigan.

So, I'm okay with it all. The biggest thing to overcome is the lack of history. I lost almost 34 years being introverted trying to stay alive. That equals no history. Everyone else has this 30-40 year history with family, firends, children, grand children, etc. that I don't have. I was sick. The last thing I remembered was Nov 10 1971 when I first got sick. After that I couldn't really participate in life to its fullest like everyone else did. So I really am 25 years old now. I was 23 when I got sick and two years have passed since I returned.

But either way, the situation I'm in right now is trivial compared to where I've been. I'm just kind of wating for something to happen to take her out of my life.
She's pretty and put together well so she aught to make someone a good mate.

And come to think about it, it never was that good right from the start. Soooooooo.