Re: How do I stay grounded?

What I do during the day requires me to give much of myself and I enjoy giving who I am to others yet because I am giving, I get much more I than give in return, but it does not always equate to sustainable relationships. Getting so much positive input from others pushes me into a place I am not big enough to fill. When I finish my day, my flesh rebels and gets annoyed by my soul serving others so much. I know others must be annoyed by it as well. My close relationships can see through the façade of who I am. The thing is, I really do give and give but it is difficult to sustain that momentum without recharging. By the evening, sometimes I run out of steam for those who have seen what I give to others. They don't even want to know that I shine for others and who is to blame them? Others can't live in my space. They often see the me that needs to be fed and not one who feeds. If I do not meditate, I have very little to give to my work and my relationships suffer however, "two victories at work are

not worth one defeat at home." Those closest to me may either reject what I have to offer because they don't live in the world where I give so much of myself or they see me weak and when I am weak they realize I am not giving the best of myself to them. In either case, few of my relationships have been sustainable because what I have to offer is not of this world and when I try to maintain relationships for this world's physical needs, I fail to live up to other's highest expectation of myself. If I do not meditate, I have little to offer even those who want what I have to give less my weakness. For those who I give everything I am, I need meditation or I become
just my weaknesses. Love is the short and long of what I get from meditation. Without it, I am heading for disaster. With it, I place my relationship with this greater love and few want to be loved second best.

I am not going to give up knowing there is another world beyond this one. This world to me is smoke and mirrors. Getting up when it is dark and greeting the day does make my day go better. Meditating makes my efforts to give at least gives one area of my life victories. Still, even though most of my life is spent in serving others or meditating on higher thoughts, those who I relate with after I have given all I have can see me as a fake. I often have much less to offer that is usable in this world than that which is spiritual in nature. No one really wants to live in my spiritual world and I am not good at pretending to live in the less than spiritual world. In my spirit world, I am creating seeds that do not depend on earthly sunlight and rain to grow and those seeds are not planted in soil but rather they are planted in my soul... Others can see that. What I have to give doesn't fit their script of what they came into this world to experience. When I try to play in their script, I am not giving all that I am and who is to blame others for not wanting my half hearted attempt at pretending that this world is even real? The best actors really embrace the fictional world of their script. If I was an actor in someone's movie in this world, there would be some bad acting on my part and no one really wants to be in a forgettable low budget movie unless it is on their way to the real thing...

Finding that grounded place for the rest of my day where relationships
are sustainable and as real as my absolute certainty of the other side may take more than I have to give. I already died. Everything since my NDE has been like a bonus but when I compare timelessness to this short life, how do I stay focused on the illusions of this world knowing it is a short film with my bad acting? I think maybe I need to have two meditations...One for the spirit/soul and one for the body/mind. I don't know if there is an answer in there that is usable but these are my thoughts this morning...