The man in the gazebo was right. You were only making things worse by stroking and holding the dog when they are frightened. This may work with humans, it has the opposite effect with dogs. All that stroking may make YOU feel good, in the long run you are hurting your dog.
Your dog is not reading your thoughts, because you think it is you are making a connection anytime you think it is happening. You are also likely giving into to your believes by interpreting any behavior as examples of the dog having telepathy.
You say it yourself, she does not listen all the time. You are just remembering when things coincide. Simply, coincindence creates memory.