Re: My Response is Real Simple

MAMA!!!!!!!!!! I've been SO missing your posts, lately! Hope all is well with you.

Yes, I agree - listen to that "feeling." At one time, we used those "feelings" as a matter of course. They were instincts that have long lay dormant for most people. That this able-bodied man is on unemployment and that he suggests that the divorce has caused him financial ruin is a very, very, VERY telling sign, here - HE was the one who chose to end the marriage and claiming that his ex-wife "walked all over" him is quite typical. He is rejecting personal accountability for his choices and is not attending to his personal responsibilities and obligations.

He has 2 kids that he should be supporting financially, emotionally, spiritually, and morally - he is doing none of those things, regardless of how much he "loves" his kids, etc. I know many men and women who opted to remain unemployed just to avoid the financial obligations of child support and/or alimony. This man does not sound as if he has anyone's best interests in mind other than his own - PLEASE, see the Narcissism/Sociopath Forum here at Curezone. I think that you will begin to see a definite pattern and get some clarification of this dire, dangerous, and risky situation. Furthermore, his folks are sending him his living expenses????? RED FLAG!!!!!!! DANGER!!!!!!! WARNING!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!! He sounds as if he is feeling "entitled" to have someone else attend to his personal responsibilities.

I was married to something similar - my folks paid our way through financial ruin to the tune of over $70,000.00 (yes, that's seventy thousand dollars of THEIR own money over 15 years), fixed it so that he could secure a good job (Federal position, no less), and even helped to pay for the house that we purchased which, by the way, he allowed to go into default when I finally left him. Aside from the domestic violence and abuse, my ex managed to run us into debt in excess of 240,000 (adding the private funds that my folks gave us), and that was in 1996. When a person displays an inability to attend to financial and moral obligations, it is a glaring symptom of worse things to come.

If you are feeling uncomfortable about this situation with this man, take time to think of WHY you are "in love" with this guy. Are you in love with actual attributes, or are you in love with what you wish to be true and is, in reality, a fantasy? That's how it was with my ex. He was nothing like what I imagined a partner to be, but I kept living in denial for almost 15 years and it nearly cost me my life.

I cannot tell you how quickly, easily, and thoroughly a human being can be ruined by another human being, particularly when one of them is hell-bent upon self-destruction. Please - consider what is best for YOU and act on it. His kids are not your responsibility, no matter how attached you've become to them. Those children are HIS responsibility and he should be doing everything within his power to see to their needs, even if it means working 2 jobs at fast-food joints. If it were me, I would call his ex-wife, ask to meet her for a friendly lunch, and ask her to tell HER side of the story for a couple of hours and listen to her with a completely open mind. She may have some eye-openers or affirmations for your misgivings.

I believe that you will make a positive decision for your Self and that you will just fine, in time. Best of wishes to you. Tweet