Re: Seeking advice

Are you on good terms with his ex-wife? Do you have any knowledge of why his first marriage failed? Are the children's mother agreeable that the children stay with their father in a hotel (I know the types of people that live in the weekly-rated hotels in MY area and I'd be furious)? Is she even aware of your current living arrangements? Why is there such an immediate custody turnaround? His existing offspring are being forced through an emotional and physical wringer by being shuttled back and forth every 48 hours (FORTY EIGHT HOURS), have nothing remotely resembling stability, and their needs must come before anyone else's, including yours.

By using the term, "involved," is it safe to assume that you did not enter into a legal, binding contract of marriage to this man? You also indicate that it was his willingness (perceived OR confirmed) to help you to produce your own offspring that was the primary reason for progressing with the relationship.

If you are not married to this man, I would gently suggest that you please, PLEASE reconsider producing an offspring with someone who is obviously incapable of even taking care of his existing children by managing his own finances, living arrangements, or provision of a reasonable custody arrangment. Regardless of how this man might paint his financial woes to you, chances are 95% that he got himself into his situation (directly, or indirectly) by mismanaging his income, making risky investment choices, or by frivilous spending.

Are you working? Did you finish your education? Do you have your own benefits? Who is paying for the hotel rooms and car rentals? How did his finances become so ruined? What if you were required to have a c-section and had to recover for 2 months? How would this man satisfy his FIRST/PRIMARY obligations to his existing children (support, etc), support you and your newborn, and make ends meet? If you require surgery AFTER the birth of your offspring, how will that be managed? Who would be paying for it? Where do you see your Self (your Life's Spark) five years from now? What about 10 years from now? These are issues and questions that require your IMMEDIATE attention.

Your situation will require some serious soul-searching on your part. If you think that things are bad now, wait until you are stuck with this man in a legal, binding contract (marriage) with an innocent kid who had no choice as to whom he/she would be born to. It's a very ugly way to live when one has to choose between feeding their child or feeding themselves - I know this because I've had to make that decision, myself. I would suggest that you think long and hard about why you are with this man, what you expected to gain from such a relationship, and then begin making some decisions that will benefit YOU and the future of your Self.

Sorry for the length of the post. Best wishes to you and those poor little ones who are bearing the burdens of their parents' decisions.

Best wishes to you. Tweet