Re: What is an abusive narcissist and why do I only ever seem to get involved with them?

I think your first step is what you have already done. To realise what is going on and to decide this is not what I want for myself. Congratulations. i think you are halfway there. Now your unconscious may have had reasons for picking boyfriends in a particular pattern as I am sure some aspect of you was being answered to by those men. Maybe the part that needed to have confirmed all these things we sometimes deeply believe - like I am worthless, I dont deserve the nice guy, I am boring blabla. Well now you have seen that that isnt you and that you deserve nothing else but the good things and that you can live your life in a mature way were you can value another and ask the other to value you. If you truely made that turn then people you meet will feel that this person doesnt allow me to abuse them because she values herself....thats a big turnoff for a narcissist. They like people who are needy because they are easy to manipulate and abuse. Now these guys often look very charming and funny and clever at first sight and with this change in you, you might notice that these guys might not be so interested in you anymore because instincively they know that you will not respond to their narcissism and that you will not serve their purpose. This might feel strange for a while but if you keep your eyes open you will notice the others that do not need to wear a false front or convince others of their worth. But I dont believe how your friends choose their partner is relaetd or can be judged. A marriage is based on very many things and romantic love is only one of those. The thought of who you want to spend your life with is a very personal one and the choices are many to be made. I wouldnt do this for myself but I can value that people make these choices based on someones ability as a father or their quality as a friend. Tweet